IB life is tough
Honestly, i dont think ive experienced a tougher school year than the current one. I think that ive been more stressed and exasperated before, but it never felt quite as tough. The difference was that those times of stress and exasperation (especially in sec3 with the pb ) were a result of the demand for extreme efficiency in just one area. There was hardly any pressure from school work and so i could do stuff for the board in the afternoon and relax at night.Relax meaning go online and stone around. In actual fact, there was homework, but on a normal school day i never quite did them, what more study.but now, im feeling pressure from the sheer content of school work, commitments which somehow do not overlap anymore (meaning no more 4 things in one afternoon) but seem to nicely align themselves one week after another without any gaps in between. There is no frantic scurrying from various venues in a single afternoon, (partly because we have no more afternoons) but more of numerous prolonged projects which are neatly lined in single file. As for school work, i'm realizing that now there is an actual necessity to study weekly to make sure i know whats going on. I realized that today, after the reality that we had been covering one math chapter per 1and a 1/2 weeks dawned upon me. Its not as if im not listening during math, on the contrary, i'm almost 2 times more attentive compared to sec3 and 4. Not taking A. math in those years has left me struggling with topics that the A. math students in my class(who are a majority) are only taking only 1 and a 1/2 weeks to relearn. plus, i probably missed like 2 out of the 7 lessons for each new chapter while i was having tennis season. Studying, as i knew it, used to only come into existence a month before exams.
oh and ontop of that there is actual stuff which i enjoy and want to do. graphic design, writing and photography, which im starting to get serious about. design bears a zero tolerance approach. you must do it and do it and do it and not sleep until it looks its nicest form. which is actually really fun. As for tennis, suddenly its significance has depreciated to a point where i msged my coach to say ' cant make it for all trainings, will let u know when i can start again.' This is after a month of not playing at all. The count for the number of times the idea of playing tennis has crossed my mind has dwindled drastically. it just seems not that important anymore, which causes me to sigh with sadness.
oh oh dont forget the social pressures of JC life. New class, new people, i realize that ive been subconsciously feeling very pressured by my extremely deep and sophisticated classmates. i used to enjoy thinking about stuff that was relevant to me or liked analyzing and explaning certain situations, but only when i was in the mood. Now, it has become lunch time conversation and the demands to think of such things are becoming almost unbearable. Its no longer enjoyable. i especially dislike it when we're talking about a certain issue but we dont quite address the problem, either because our train of thought isnt very clear or that our view points are unsubstantiated. i realize i dont fit ito the category of 'intelligensia'. some of them do. i dont enjoy talking about these things during free time and yet i wonder why i draw myself into such conversations when i do not feel like having them. sure we do raise some very valid and important points, but when it becomes over the top, its quite.......pressurizing, draining and contrived. you can tell it in the mild way some of us try to find witty answers but can never do so when pressurized to. the natural-ity of it along with its joy somehow gives into pressurized wit. which seems funny at first but then slowly turns into a stress point. go to class, be yourself, and do your best.
so how bout the people i really enjoy spending time with. the old mates from the pb. yy and arthur. as liow always says...in life...there are only three important things...rove...famiry...and buddies. haha. very much an inside joke...but exactly my point. such stupid inside jokes like BROTHER YANG!(complete with dual hand actions) and wanting to name our children after constellations in the future really makes it hilarious - 'capricon chia, libra liow, leo lim and thores thevathasan.' there isnt even such a constellation called thores and its not capricon either..its capriconus. at the same time, i dont think its all jokes and laughter either..its great to have friends who have alot of fun but at the same time understand you and know when to be totally sane. still at the same time, i try to move away from being identified as the dark, brooding hans in class. i think thats for me to settle. to truly find something so simple, whole in belief and joyous that causes the once thought disgusting realities of this world to pale in comparison to. cambodia was a good time of spending time with the guys again with loads of funny moments. of course, not forgetting the really cute kids at cosi, amazing history and culture of the country, and the enigma of mrs Goh's skills on rife and rove. i know ive been wanting to write about the trip for quite awhile..but i havent been able to match the sufficient amount of time with the mood yet...so yeah...i'll spend the time soon.
my eyelid twitches and threatens to shut. no its not because of what u think it is. im just tired. but at least im tired with fond memories.i feel much better.
i think that this is the ib life.
get used and know how to approach it. fast.
posted by gneh-snah @ 4:09 AM
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