twah
i...am going to make a date..with myself during this june holiday.when june comes, and i go for my brilliant oh so happy and blissful holiday to a place just above providence where we shall stay in a cottage by the sea, i shall be happy and enjoy myself. and there, i shall ponder and think, and reflect upon the year and realize alot of things. and then..i will go cycling in the morning by the beach and feel so relaxed. i think it will be like alaska where i sat on the deck of the ship and waited for my butt to freeze. no not quite. i some how have very good memories of that trip...besides the fantastic company..it was a great time of thinking and reflection...i felt so at ease and at peace after that. u know what i mean right. but that was like in sec2..3 years ago...way too long man. so june, please arrive quickly.
and then i think we'll probably spend some time at new york too..besides watching lishan graduate...which is cool. the lush green grass that grows in the temperate land of american universities. i love it.
i think in the confusion of everyday life, it is always good to know some certainties about yourself and what u want to do.
1. i love calvin and hobbes
2. i love discovery travel and living
3. i love discovery travel and living' layout design.
4. i want to go back packing around europe soon
5. i want to go climb one of those asian mountains too..maybe kinabalu
6. i want to do a series of my own paintings just that im too lazy.
7. i want to go out in a rubber dingy and watch a humpback flip its tale before i die.
and well what am i confused about?
1. how capitalism can be accepted by Christians as a way to live even if we do not 'idolize money' because it is still a compromise of a purest ideal of love and charity right?...thats what i feel, and have been thinking about for a long long time. (one year plus in fact. thus the coining of me being a closet marxist. but then again after starting to study communism i kinda realize how daft their ideal is too.so can we reach a compromise? is there a compromise to keep the rich and save the poor?). doesnt that make all of us guilty if capitalism compromises on the ideal of Christianity(just a personal view...not saying that its right)? u and i? and the more we stay in it the more guilty we become. but how do we solve it? global revolution? i dont think so right. sometimes we try to ignore it. and shrug it off or rationalize to put our brain on hold or standby. but i dont know..that is something i really need to figure out.
2. where true conviction lies. i think ive been so jaded. by the whole saga of emotional highs, hearing about falling back, that the simple truth isnt very clear anymore. i think ive been so influenced by post modernism, that it seems that everything can be doubted, everything can be questioned, till u reach a point where u just become stone and stoic. u keep seeing the other alternative to explain something, and then u realize that u cant really justify with the same amount of conviction what u originally held on to.and then u stop and u accept both points of view and just stone. lol.
3. relating and leading humbly. not really confused about this..just have to learn to manage and cope in those areas when im tense and stressed.
4. what am i really good at? ive never gotten into something really good or prestigious convincingly, always just scrapped through.
5. what happens now for my Christian life?
oh well..thats enough for tonight. i am so so sleepy i can hardly open my eyes and could probably fall asleep in this chair right now. i hope i wake up before 10.30 tommorrow morning and not waste a perfectly fine morning away..unless its raining...then thats nice to sleep in=). oh well..goodnight...and remind me to collect 30 bucks from my strange friends who went prawn fishing today...no..they didnt go to watch a movie on the last day of term...or to play lan..they went..prawn fishing. see you then.
this is one of the rare sights u get to see hans talking in a very direct and honest voice...and not beat around the bush in sadness or joy that seems so distant and mysterious.oh well.
posted by gneh-snah @ 7:24 AM
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