there but not there: May 2006

Thursday, May 25, 2006

give us strength

to last through tomorrow.
to get everything done.
and to be glad doing it.

this is getting tough

i never really blogged about council...partly because things werent so clear over the past few weeks and anything that came out probably wouldnt be clear either.

but here it is: our ideas for how we're going to decide where we're heading have been concretized. June camp...3 day sessions of General aim, general purpose..then moving to department aim department purpose...and then to department action plan, department timeline and the beginning of actual planning for each specific event. that is the plan from now to june/june camp..so that we know exactly what to do and can present everything to the students the moment they come back. ie. study benches..opening up classrooms to study in between papers when common tests start..benches for changing in the toilet..extremely happening constantly updated notice board complete with photos section..students' chill out lounge...IB library room/ study area..because its not fair to make librarian ladies stay back pass like 6.00 for just a handfull of students..and then again we cant possibly have a study area which opens till 5 whn school ends at 4.40. so....all this...job scope...general mission...and actual planning and assignment of roles will be dealt with during the assigned slots during camp. and i think ive emphasized this enough...as vanessa first mentioned...i think it is so important to show them what we can do at the start of term 3, as opposed to just asking asking what do u want us to do..and they say..change the rules! and we have a tough time handling that and it just goes round in circles. there are many fantastic plans and ideas in store, council..we will be concretizing these plans this June camp. i think the Exco knows about it already, and they will put it across and discuss it with you guys as well this june. of course you, as much as the dept heads will be directly involved and incharge of charting where your department heads. thats what June camp is all about, because you are the departments, and the departments are the council.

thats our work and next months mission to complete. Exco i think we're ready based on whatever was discussed and brought forth last meeting. i hope that we have 100% attendance and commitment from both heads and ADHs..council was never meant to be a walk in walk out any time i like session. lets start it right. but i think all the heads are ready for department discussion facilitation, so lets continue to be prepared for that.

One of the concerns now is maybe the council is generally feeling abit lost. well...im sorry for the inability to be able to meet fully and translate this across properly...so lets be patient and wait for camp in a a week and a half's time. of course, if anyone does have any questions..any concerns about where we're heading..what we're doing..any genuine concerns, talk to arthur van or myself. we're as accountable to you as you are accountable to the rest of the council. plus, we will always always try to be on top of things, but if anything slips us by we need your help to point it out to us.

Of course all these plans for the direction in which we feel our council has to take has to be passed through the relevant authorities, so i hope we can get done asap. we need to get things cracking before camp.

and yes its really quite abit of work..quite abit of planning...quite abit of planning and many many layers to translate all our plans to..but hang in there guys!=X i know its pretty wah seh at times...im pretty wah seh at times also...coupled with tiredness..not so good results and the IB life....but we'll pull through this. things are going to work out great. oh and as for whether or not i should blog about council...or talk about it to friends. i think like this its fine. i think the golden rule is to always remember the tone in which it comes across and the approach. i think it is alright to express our concerns..in fact it might even be good that people read or hear about this...so that they understand that council isnt just a bed of roses and just fun fun happy stuff. its actual work. and its actual people relations. and its actual real tough stuff. all this just to serve u better.

now...i really want to mention all this to the council..and let them know where we're going...assure them and ask them to be patient for a well worked out and hopefully smashing June camp..but got no time la. oh oh theres ib open house on tuesday! okok great...fantastic..that would be a great time, almost everyone will be down. anyway..for those of you who just read this..i hope you have a clearer picture about whats going on...so remember anything else can always ask me ok? or van or arthur for that matter. =D and do help us remember everything for tuesday. thankew!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

am i being too much?

who said u cant take shots in the MPH...hmmm..haha...i have no idea how to put across my mock iop. the urge to slam them is retarding my ability to come up with a good objective thesis question for no other city. but at the same time i may be totally wrong about the book..so oh well...aiyar plus so tired also...im actually looking forward to tmr mornings meeting...things with van and arthur often flow clearly..even when stressed...dunno about stuff in the afternoon though..hope it goes fine...tired tired.

hans needs to start being objective about the book.
possible questions:

1. lack of culture as a reason for the over romanticism in the writings of Singaporean poets
too societal, not literary and text based enough. but i really think the lack of culture might be one of the main reasons for over romanticism. theres just no culture to write about, so we talk about trees as though they mean the world to us and we want to hug one everytime we see them along the street- as described by ferd

2. The different ways poets view foreign workers and nation building in Foreign Worker Cutting Trees and Cranes. Which one genuinely reflects the average Singaporean?
ah..i think this one addresses the issue best. felt like i was grasping at thin air for awhile. hope i dont forget all the points tomorrow.

Which one do u think is more accurate?
Both agree that foreign workers are disregarded and really suffer.
But one is apathetic about it. The other says that they suffer at gargantuan mystical extents, "angelic messengers in white plumage." (which really didnt sound realistic) It also almost implies that because they suffer at such great extents, they should be almost equally recognized as well, and that a tremendous injustice exists against them. Thats his view.
which one do you think genuniely reflects how singaporeans view foreign workers? dont like how cranes over mystifies and dramatizes foreign worker's labor.

oh well..so late...time to sleep.

Monday, May 22, 2006

what i need now

is captain crash and the beauty queen from mars
woohoo..my d70s

Friday, May 19, 2006

this is the plan

Tomorrow, blog.
do math IA.
tomorrow..sleep rest wake up at 10.30...go for tuition at 11.30..come back eat lunch free until 4.30 i dont care. lots of catching up to do. lots of catching up with myself to do. pfft why wont the darn gmail send the stupid thing. i need a good rest and regroup positively. goodnight. acs begets success. goodnight.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

how would you respond?

How do you respond,
to the harshest of critics,
to the seemingly moderate
yet strangely fanatical.

How do you respond,
to the insistent debator
who must have the last say,
before the closing of doors.

How do you respond,
when your spirit is under fire
with righteousness untrue,
by that of fanatics
by those unwise

How do u respond,
when u see this happening,
of righteuosness looming, imposing
menacing

and it is dissapointing,
so blind so blind.

how would you respond?

Monday, May 08, 2006

a form of attachment still remains

ream!

we rode to the home on a pickup! how cool is that man.

and around the village on a bullock cart.

thats mati

theres really so much sentiment that its hard to talk about it all at one shot. tremendously meaningful just emcompasses so much, from the home, attachment to Ream and Mati (but more to ream), making friends with Ya, talking to him about his future after COSI, to watching our tour guide speak about his survival and family's death at the hands of pol pot some 30 years ago in such a resolved manner. We watched his simple act of rolling up a stack of paper in his hand to smack the head of the communist leader's statue before carrying on our tour in the genocide museum. we saw how much significance such an act bore, the relevance, the reality. We all somehow knew at that moment that it was something so close to his heart. But as he continued the tour and described the actions of the man who had murdered his family in such a resolved manner and with such calmness, the reality hit home in us, hit home in me.

and so thats why after the trip there are a few of us still hanging around and doing stuff for it. getting people to write in the collective journal, compiling reflections, compiling pictures. it is because a form of attachment to cambodia and especially COSI still remains. The reality hit home in us.the sharing, the smiles, the carrying of super light kids and running across the multi purpose area. these were meaningful. and so, i really cant wait to go back.

Friday, May 05, 2006

status unknown: what say you?

Our reflections booklet cover page
draft one

Thursday, May 04, 2006

IB life is tough

Honestly, i dont think ive experienced a tougher school year than the current one. I think that ive been more stressed and exasperated before, but it never felt quite as tough. The difference was that those times of stress and exasperation (especially in sec3 with the pb ) were a result of the demand for extreme efficiency in just one area. There was hardly any pressure from school work and so i could do stuff for the board in the afternoon and relax at night.Relax meaning go online and stone around. In actual fact, there was homework, but on a normal school day i never quite did them, what more study.

but now, im feeling pressure from the sheer content of school work, commitments which somehow do not overlap anymore (meaning no more 4 things in one afternoon) but seem to nicely align themselves one week after another without any gaps in between. There is no frantic scurrying from various venues in a single afternoon, (partly because we have no more afternoons) but more of numerous prolonged projects which are neatly lined in single file. As for school work, i'm realizing that now there is an actual necessity to study weekly to make sure i know whats going on. I realized that today, after the reality that we had been covering one math chapter per 1and a 1/2 weeks dawned upon me. Its not as if im not listening during math, on the contrary, i'm almost 2 times more attentive compared to sec3 and 4. Not taking A. math in those years has left me struggling with topics that the A. math students in my class(who are a majority) are only taking only 1 and a 1/2 weeks to relearn. plus, i probably missed like 2 out of the 7 lessons for each new chapter while i was having tennis season. Studying, as i knew it, used to only come into existence a month before exams.

oh and ontop of that there is actual stuff which i enjoy and want to do. graphic design, writing and photography, which im starting to get serious about. design bears a zero tolerance approach. you must do it and do it and do it and not sleep until it looks its nicest form. which is actually really fun. As for tennis, suddenly its significance has depreciated to a point where i msged my coach to say ' cant make it for all trainings, will let u know when i can start again.' This is after a month of not playing at all. The count for the number of times the idea of playing tennis has crossed my mind has dwindled drastically. it just seems not that important anymore, which causes me to sigh with sadness.

oh oh dont forget the social pressures of JC life. New class, new people, i realize that ive been subconsciously feeling very pressured by my extremely deep and sophisticated classmates. i used to enjoy thinking about stuff that was relevant to me or liked analyzing and explaning certain situations, but only when i was in the mood. Now, it has become lunch time conversation and the demands to think of such things are becoming almost unbearable. Its no longer enjoyable. i especially dislike it when we're talking about a certain issue but we dont quite address the problem, either because our train of thought isnt very clear or that our view points are unsubstantiated. i realize i dont fit ito the category of 'intelligensia'. some of them do. i dont enjoy talking about these things during free time and yet i wonder why i draw myself into such conversations when i do not feel like having them. sure we do raise some very valid and important points, but when it becomes over the top, its quite.......pressurizing, draining and contrived. you can tell it in the mild way some of us try to find witty answers but can never do so when pressurized to. the natural-ity of it along with its joy somehow gives into pressurized wit. which seems funny at first but then slowly turns into a stress point. go to class, be yourself, and do your best.

so how bout the people i really enjoy spending time with. the old mates from the pb. yy and arthur. as liow always says...in life...there are only three important things...rove...famiry...and buddies. haha. very much an inside joke...but exactly my point. such stupid inside jokes like BROTHER YANG!(complete with dual hand actions) and wanting to name our children after constellations in the future really makes it hilarious - 'capricon chia, libra liow, leo lim and thores thevathasan.' there isnt even such a constellation called thores and its not capricon either..its capriconus. at the same time, i dont think its all jokes and laughter either..its great to have friends who have alot of fun but at the same time understand you and know when to be totally sane. still at the same time, i try to move away from being identified as the dark, brooding hans in class. i think thats for me to settle. to truly find something so simple, whole in belief and joyous that causes the once thought disgusting realities of this world to pale in comparison to. cambodia was a good time of spending time with the guys again with loads of funny moments. of course, not forgetting the really cute kids at cosi, amazing history and culture of the country, and the enigma of mrs Goh's skills on rife and rove. i know ive been wanting to write about the trip for quite awhile..but i havent been able to match the sufficient amount of time with the mood yet...so yeah...i'll spend the time soon.

my eyelid twitches and threatens to shut. no its not because of what u think it is. im just tired. but at least im tired with fond memories.i feel much better.

i think that this is the ib life.
get used and know how to approach it. fast.

there but not there