i wish i was the smart man
i love this picture..many thanks to terry for it, never figured you'd actually see orange in the british winter sky.
and so..i'll tell myself...ure going to be just fine. well the corrs tell me that too.haha. i used to like them alot :)
"whom shall i fear whom shall i fear, i am Yours"
i think i am in my 'growing up' years. trying to understand confusion and sadness. i have a dire need to constantly ask 'why.' i suppose its a result of an intense nature and the confusion that gives rise to inquisitiveness. i think its so irritating when people just bother about whether your dads going to buy u a car next time and about trying to act older than we really are. but i suppose thats growing up for them as well, trying to figure out ones image and identity. sometimes i think..what the hell is wrong with u hans. why the hell are u so damn intense. pisses people off u know. cant u just be more dosile and accepting. honestly now?..i feel so darn emotionally and mentally drained.
so hans, what are u confused about?
im confused about my conviction. u know, i used to be so driven and so clear in direction and what i wanted. so ready and optimistic, ready for the changse the world had to throw at me. well heres an example. an example full of young zest and conviction, of joy and clarity, thats it..clarity. it was an essay i did for fun earlier this year. even then, i was on the verge of confusion. (please excuse the slight egoistic-ness, this was supposed to be an ib entrance essay, if i was trying to apply)
question two: Write about your activities, interests and experiences which are most meaningful to you and explain why.
I believe that my life is a constant change and unravelling of different phases. These phases are what my activities, interests and experiences revolve around. Each phase is a quest for self discovery, a quest for meaning in my thoughts and actions, a quest to understand myself better. I believe that it is an intrinsic part of man to want to discover, to seek after what we judge as truth and to develop greater understanding of ourselves and the world we live in. As Aristotle once said ‘all men by nature desire to know’.
I would say that besides God, change is my only constant. As contradictory as change being a constant sounds, it is the very experience of change that I find one of the most meaningful. With a change in phase comes a change in perception, a change in actions. Change equates to something new, something that has not been experienced. With each change comes not only a difference in myself, but an opportunity to make a difference in the lives of those around me. As a friend once told me ‘you can’t change everything, but make a difference in your circle of influence.’ I then ask myself, what is my circle of influence? It is the people I interact with, the areas where I have been given leadership positions in, the prefectorial board, the school community. Take one of my activities and interests- captaining the tennis team. Each tournament brings about a new change, something new to reflect upon, a new level in mental strength and endurance. With change there is conviction, with conviction there is purpose. With purpose, there is meaning.
It is important to remember, that all change revolves around one central belief. A belief in a being that is constant, unchanging, unwavering and forever faithful-God. It is in God that all change revolves around. It is in God that all judgement of life’s variations, moral values and ethics are anchored to. It is in God, that in an ever changing world, there is certainty, there is assurance. An example would be a recent phase that I have been going through. A phase of over criticalness, of perhaps even cynicism at the things beyond my grasp of change. As I entered it, I thought to myself, there is nothing wrong with being critical, it stimulates the mind, things should be fine. But as I continued, I not only created in myself a spirit of pessimism but spread it to others as well. I then stopped and reflected- was this the right path to take? The answer was obvious, as St. Augustine once prayed ‘Lord help me to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and grant me the wisdom to discern between the two.’
In conclusion, it is the very act of change while holding on firm to what I believe in that is the most beautiful, the most meaningful of all my experiences.
alright. pause for a moment and take that in. now exclude the fact that this needed to sound optimistic since it was an entrance essay, but take into account only the attitude to which it was written. the words that come to my mind are ' aware of my surroundings', 'aware of myself', 'aware of who i am'. basically, aware of where i was and what i wanted to do.
the smart man is not one who can produce the results. the smart man is the one who understands his surroundings, who knows where he stands, and understands where he wants to go from wherever he is. This understanding brings about clarity of thought, direction and conviction. as well as a sense of gladness and peace. the smart man must then live this life in a way that is morally upright and caring, a way that is considerate, understanding and moderate.
i unfortunately i dont feel like the smart man.
why?
because of four things. beacause i dont know what stand i want to take on student council, because i dont know what stand i want to take on the school (disillusionment), because i dont know if my studies are going to do better next year, and because i dont know what stand i want to take about you.
but i know one thing, and its that i'll take some time.
i wish i was the smart man.
that pretty wraps up my 2005.
God bless.
and so..i'll tell myself...ure going to be just fine. well the corrs tell me that too.haha. i used to like them alot :)
"whom shall i fear whom shall i fear, i am Yours"
i think i am in my 'growing up' years. trying to understand confusion and sadness. i have a dire need to constantly ask 'why.' i suppose its a result of an intense nature and the confusion that gives rise to inquisitiveness. i think its so irritating when people just bother about whether your dads going to buy u a car next time and about trying to act older than we really are. but i suppose thats growing up for them as well, trying to figure out ones image and identity. sometimes i think..what the hell is wrong with u hans. why the hell are u so damn intense. pisses people off u know. cant u just be more dosile and accepting. honestly now?..i feel so darn emotionally and mentally drained.
so hans, what are u confused about?
im confused about my conviction. u know, i used to be so driven and so clear in direction and what i wanted. so ready and optimistic, ready for the changse the world had to throw at me. well heres an example. an example full of young zest and conviction, of joy and clarity, thats it..clarity. it was an essay i did for fun earlier this year. even then, i was on the verge of confusion. (please excuse the slight egoistic-ness, this was supposed to be an ib entrance essay, if i was trying to apply)
question two: Write about your activities, interests and experiences which are most meaningful to you and explain why.
I believe that my life is a constant change and unravelling of different phases. These phases are what my activities, interests and experiences revolve around. Each phase is a quest for self discovery, a quest for meaning in my thoughts and actions, a quest to understand myself better. I believe that it is an intrinsic part of man to want to discover, to seek after what we judge as truth and to develop greater understanding of ourselves and the world we live in. As Aristotle once said ‘all men by nature desire to know’.
I would say that besides God, change is my only constant. As contradictory as change being a constant sounds, it is the very experience of change that I find one of the most meaningful. With a change in phase comes a change in perception, a change in actions. Change equates to something new, something that has not been experienced. With each change comes not only a difference in myself, but an opportunity to make a difference in the lives of those around me. As a friend once told me ‘you can’t change everything, but make a difference in your circle of influence.’ I then ask myself, what is my circle of influence? It is the people I interact with, the areas where I have been given leadership positions in, the prefectorial board, the school community. Take one of my activities and interests- captaining the tennis team. Each tournament brings about a new change, something new to reflect upon, a new level in mental strength and endurance. With change there is conviction, with conviction there is purpose. With purpose, there is meaning.
It is important to remember, that all change revolves around one central belief. A belief in a being that is constant, unchanging, unwavering and forever faithful-God. It is in God that all change revolves around. It is in God that all judgement of life’s variations, moral values and ethics are anchored to. It is in God, that in an ever changing world, there is certainty, there is assurance. An example would be a recent phase that I have been going through. A phase of over criticalness, of perhaps even cynicism at the things beyond my grasp of change. As I entered it, I thought to myself, there is nothing wrong with being critical, it stimulates the mind, things should be fine. But as I continued, I not only created in myself a spirit of pessimism but spread it to others as well. I then stopped and reflected- was this the right path to take? The answer was obvious, as St. Augustine once prayed ‘Lord help me to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and grant me the wisdom to discern between the two.’
In conclusion, it is the very act of change while holding on firm to what I believe in that is the most beautiful, the most meaningful of all my experiences.
alright. pause for a moment and take that in. now exclude the fact that this needed to sound optimistic since it was an entrance essay, but take into account only the attitude to which it was written. the words that come to my mind are ' aware of my surroundings', 'aware of myself', 'aware of who i am'. basically, aware of where i was and what i wanted to do.
the smart man is not one who can produce the results. the smart man is the one who understands his surroundings, who knows where he stands, and understands where he wants to go from wherever he is. This understanding brings about clarity of thought, direction and conviction. as well as a sense of gladness and peace. the smart man must then live this life in a way that is morally upright and caring, a way that is considerate, understanding and moderate.
i unfortunately i dont feel like the smart man.
why?
because of four things. beacause i dont know what stand i want to take on student council, because i dont know what stand i want to take on the school (disillusionment), because i dont know if my studies are going to do better next year, and because i dont know what stand i want to take about you.
but i know one thing, and its that i'll take some time.
i wish i was the smart man.
that pretty wraps up my 2005.
God bless.
posted by gneh-snah @ 11:03 PM
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