Tuesday, November 21, 2006

thinking about some things, reflections

tranquil, azure blue waters,
only to be shattered as tzen goes wild at the wheel
while shiv,
with wind in his hair and a smile on his face , strangely arrives at atman. if u dunno what atman is...go read your siddharta. tzen and elsa are tzena and elsa
 and the guys are guys..and love a boat to themselves.
well here are a few things to consider, as i evolve into the cold hard administrator that i sought never to become. i think certain happenings this year have caused me to arrive at this state. pvc, who wants to think about that, but hey hey, the very warped programme helped me understand how to deal with these kind of people who we're bound to meet in the future. i can so imagine the...'empowered' fanatical overly enthusiastic ever willing to practice their life skills lessons male/female in the work place. i think whats interesting to note was my reaction to pvc this year, as a student, as a thinking human,as a feeling human, and as vice president.
i think since then, the way i view work, has become a little bit more task oriented, ever analytical, abit more harsh and sparing less time for other thought. i think thats a product of the pvc episode which had us subject to strange teachings that one cannot agree with and subsequently having to deal with handling and getting these people out.
i think thinking through this will help me understand myself better too.
i guess i reacted in such a way because i couldnt stand theyre nature of imposition, the content of the imposition which we all couldnt agree with, and the fact that they demanded a response of commitment. plus all the emotional twisting and turning that happened throughout. so in a sense, it was time to hit back, i would not let someone impose their views on me, forcing us to believe what they believe with some emotional manipulative crap. if sometimes cold hard administration was best and was what was needed to get them out of our system, then sure thing. the mind of the administrator was, understand and believe that what was best was to get them out, so make sure it happens.
but i think that probably stemmed from something deeper as well. there was a strange sense of protectionism towards people u care about and not letting their imposition get any further, thats when the harsh curtness in dealing with them kicked in. when you and the people u care about are assaulted, thats the time to step in, and step up. so the curt intolerance was necessary, i mean yeah i do feel bad about the implications it had on that lady, but it was necessary, and i guess the severity outweighed the care and concern sometimes.....i think...and i think as i calm down and try to look at it from the larger picture, you cant keep letting people like that have a hold on you. you must let them go, of course i wish the manner neednt have been like that, but we were already too much absorbed by them that the reply couldnt just have been a 'sorry, but no'. yes sure i feel bad sometimes. at other times glad that we exerted power in such a way. other times wondering whether this decrease in tolerance and to the point-ness in the way i view work is correct, as i walk down my path to becoming and administrator.
who says ive got to end up as an unfeeling administrator. maybe thats just a temporary stop....and i learn to become a feeling administrator after that..which knows the ground...i dont know...maybe when im 55...and grey haired with sharp spectacles.
well, from wanting to sleep early, to wanting to blog about my strange discoveries of my relatively new attitude towards people and work, i have arrived at mostly talking about the learning curve of the pvc episode. one day, i shall evaluate the moral struggles of such a cold hard administrator, and whether such a path is right. does right dictate best? hmmm maybe, i dont know.
it is better to be strong and wrong, than right and weak. said bill clinton once.
there is no right or wrong, there is only a yes. says my interpretation of mr warped man's philosophy.
'however the lack of wrong or right does not remove the irrefutable fact that you have been put through an eye opener to uglyness, whether the uglyness is justifiable or not.
said hans once, on a completely different subject.
think about it...life, or the human condition and what we subject ourselves to is so complicated, that right may not mean best, and beauty or the lack of it is in a completely different realm from moral dilemma but yet seems so closely linked. and of course,ugly is never always equal to wrong. what then is correct? what then is good, necessary, right, fulfilling? and finally...which one do you want? something to think about..

posted by gneh-snah @ 6:25 AM

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