there but not there: October 2006

Monday, October 30, 2006

fun with wide angles

Taken with sigma 10-20mm

Rather humorous...but terribly terribly unflattering.hehe. Elongate, stretch, warp. With the exception of lee mey, we all look like tarts.

I opened my english A1 handbook to plan for some holiday reading and revision, and i was met by an emotionally charged ' we are the pioneers of the program' quote.

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost

How do u know frost wasnt mucking around and didnt end up tumbling down a steep cliff and get mauled by tooth edged rocks with gravel gashes and twisted ligaments. Well meet the differing reality that i never knew quite existed.

"Six roads diverged in a wood, and she- dug a
daggered pit in every one of them,
before i- took the road with deceptive manipulation,
and that has given me all the shit."

Sunday, October 29, 2006

=D haha..i just had to show this

sorry man..hahahaha..dug out from the hidden stash of incriminating sec2 photos...i took three times to upload this photo...evidently some dark forces must be working against me.

Friday, October 13, 2006

can there be anything deeper in mankind than the conviction of humanity?

I ask this question not because I want to glorify the appreciation of humanity as a deep,wondrous and universally unifying beauty but rather because it seems almost shallow that this is the greatest extent by which man can impose an ultimate judgement. To set things in context, I just watched a two hour nat geo special on the Nuremberg Trials which focused largely on Herman Goering. This, coupled with the events of the last few days have opened up avenues for the fallible ideas of good intentions,belief,mental and emotional conviction and universal well being- qualities which we, similar to those who planned to partake in administering the good of mankind in the Nuremberg laws hopefully began and continued to a degree with.

Maybe what has caused this assesment is the fact that truth of the situation, which stems from the constant of good intentions seems to alter as we travel back and forth, meaning that despite the common desire of good intention and success, the truth of reality is constantly changed and evnvisioned differently after each conversation, after each meeting. And one cannot help but wonder whether it is a sheet that is being pulled over ones eyes through emotional talking, frustration, arrogance of personality, seemingly sensible reasoning mingled with certain degrees of truth that one's conviction of envisionment changes. The last line to truth and reality is the underlying trait of humanity and good intentions, that is the deepest avenue of intellectual opposition and even that can be faltered.

So what is the reality of it, what is the truth? As someone once asked, " what if you're being bought into this? what if it is not true? what if we are being played?" to add onto that, " what if your basic good intentions are there but your envisionment of reality is being altered to suit a cause, a personality? a flaw of the individual?" a sheet over your eyes to view truth. I find myself having to continuously convince myself on what is truth. What i hear, cannot be trusted, as shown through personality. The lack of sincerity and personal pride which comes across in a manner most lacking of service and humility cannot be trusted. Perhaps revealed through inconsistencies, smooth talking and opportunistic decisions, agendas and beliefs, is a more complete analysis, resulting in the lack of the ability to trust. Sure, perhaps there is heart, but heart mixed with law and politics is never a good combination. My answer to the asker of the above question was then " if that is so, the three of us are the biggest fools, followed by you and the leadership, and then the rest of the body."

As someone else once said, perhaps even that of a teacher, " you cannot expect your students to be so well educated and not think for themselves, and then to not become anti establishment." It is the same principle as educate your masses and you will have an intelligent uprising. Ultimately, I am here only to share my discontentment, my struggles, assesments, and most of all, to express my dissapointment that this, the conviction brought about by the good intentions of humanity, is the strongest deepest commonality of mankind. And yet, despite this apparent depth of evaluation, it is more a weakness due to its limit, than a beneficial depth. A realization and dissapointment, as for that, in essence is a great inability. Yesterday i speak from observation, today i speak from the experience, tomorrow i speak from the reality. This is perhaps the reality of the working world, and to some extent as yet another person once said, I am glad that i experience it now. But i certainly, do not want to become like that. Good intentions, law and politics never go.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

its swept from under your feet..and ure falling..and falling..and falling..

dry, snappy, drained, faggoted, is how you react to emotional blackmail. very intense. it is also how u behave after a huge blow has taken a chunk out of you and the battle between the right and the left seems never ending. ACT ACT OPERATE OPERATE BEHAVE BEHAVE. lets go, move move this is the task TO THE POINT FOCUSED FOCUSED i remember what happened yesterday but operate operate. it needs to be dealt with. wohoo. operate operate fix fix.

fix fix move move. tell tell. talk talk. know know. understand understand. damage control damage control. no please please. stay stay. understand understand. time time. lets go lets go. see see. friday friday. wohoo.

i think only arthur will understand this post.

Ms Chock for the win! pei fu pei fu. respect respect. so understanding understanding. sensitive sensitive. people people.

dunno whether i'll be singing the same tune after results come back. very condemn..if get called up..probably? probably... but of course that doesnt change the character of the person..still respect..but i wont feel so good i think....more because i'll feel uneasy.....and i dont want to dissapoint people..han sheng! cannot..this is not acceptable...oh dear...wah i feel so bad. this is the unvoiced subconscious dilemma. why doesnt his results match the demanor? can talk and think why cannot do well? but from my point of view...still...respect respect..fond fond.
bleagh bleagh. wohoo. tomorrow is a new day.

a good leader is one who picks it all up and focuses on the next day. give myself time but when tomorrow comes. we'll approach it anew ready to lead.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

wohooo...

dream shopping list

1. Nikkor 12-24mm (long time more...when i start working maybe..heh)
2. Nikkor 70-200mm f2.8 VR or....Sigma 70-200 (no money and more realistic alternative)
3. i dunno if a macro lens is worth it...or sigma now has the 70-200 f2.8 macro...havent checked it out though.

very plausible stuff :
1. polarizer (should wait and get one for the 12-24...but might probably get one for my 18-70)
2. cheap light solid tripid...eep..
3. warming/orange filter to fix my nikons bluish problem..is there another way? grrr
4. remote shutter release
5. camera back pack
6. another extra battery..i lost my first
6. ring flash for macro..depending on the price..the first 5 adds up to about...$480....eeep....sigma lens $1400....supposed to save half of it on my own....and so i need to sell of my 70-300mm!

Friday, October 06, 2006

the contrived artificial superficiality..fake one...

i realize that indoor macro photography without a ring flash is really not easy. i also realize that i am quite bitter. and very cynical...right now at least...i know it hardly surfaces..because it is hard to deal with..but beneath all the stupid jokes and contrived expressions i am not at ease. i am discontent about the lack of answers i am getting..when left to yourself without the jokes, the discontentment surfaces.but when u ignore it...experience just piles ontop of it daily..the pile then gets higher and higher and u slowly forget it..and then you cant be yourself because being yourself means being discontent and upset. but that means its not fully dealt with. and then you come to the conclusion that the predominant experience in life isnt the moral dilemma of right or wrong, but the experience of ugliness. this is the reality of life as seen and understood.

there but not there