there but not there

three things i want to do now

i want to go back to cambodia
i want to feel relaxed and not constantly tense
i mean common man, exams just ended, but i feel absolutely apprehensive, worried, anxious and pissed that there are pressing things to do..right after exams! and in a short span of 3 days! bah. its not so bad if we just got cracking and started work,and i knew exactly what had to be done.but no! avoidable delay!as usual! oh my goodness.

then lets talk about exams. hows failing 3 subjects looking to you?! brilliance.
how bout to the admin? how bout to teachers? that sucks.
fantastic.

how about finding my feet with how to manage certain things.managing how i come across during discussions...whether its good or bad...whether its best...bah. you might always be wrong hans. dont forget that. so maintain the moderation! looking onwards, accounting for the danger and precautions both on the other persons side as well as yours.

this was supposed to be a happy sentimental post of what i really feel like doing. taking a trip to little idia to spend a day taking photos for example. walking orchard like in sec2 after exams without a care! feeling smart for once! bah!

maybe its time to start chasing after passions. passions of travel. travel asia.to help. to capture. the culture. the experience. to benefit. to encourage. to teach. and be taught. and after describing my terrific examination week, a teacher says, with a kind warm smile that i really appreciate, " i want to see you getting scholarships next time, becoming an officer in NS and all that...so really u must balance your work well ok?" i want that too. maybe thats not what i should be chasing after. maybe its the attitude of moderate understanding and consideration towards others and situations which is of most importance. so vulnerable. so so vulnerable. the difference between me and the steady steady person is that the steady steady person will know how to resolve this internally and act maturely and accordingly after hes reached his resolution. hmmm..nvm...will try to be balanced.

posted by gneh-snah @ 8:11 PM