there but not there

We All Living in America

2008-09-30T21:09:00.000-07:00

Stunned by the dazzling lights of New York

For the full set, visit,
Night Time Streets:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/23469236@N00/sets/72157607495580158/show/

America in the Day:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/23469236@N00/sets/72157607499704603/show/

Black and White Street:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/23469236@N00/sets/72157607499813841/show/

Just Pretty Things:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/23469236@N00/sets/72157607499861721/show/

Friends and Family:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/23469236@N00/sets/72157607499368073/show/

more realms of colour

2008-08-29T20:15:00.000-07:00

the balls the balls! check out the round balls of colour behind the out of focus jacob. my lens can do it! of course not as nicely as the 35 1.4....but i hope it works in new york!

it's getting harder and harder

2008-08-10T01:42:00.000-07:00

bbrrrft, it's creative stress creating a setting where the participants are unwittingly interacting with one another instead of shooting whatever is iconic or beautiful. Make what you want out of the photo.

AC visits OCS

2008-07-22T23:53:00.000-07:00

Sigh, you know where I'd rather be. It's not fun having the push for excellence swept from under you. Plus all my friends are there.

2008-07-12T18:44:00.000-07:00

Its ironic that yesterday I truly discovered and articulated what I don't like about Singapore. Not in a manner full of angst, but just from general observations about the state of our society. Oh well, the photos tell a different story. Nationalistic fervour ftw!

street street

2008-07-12T09:59:00.000-07:00

I keep looking for that defining photo that doesn't usually cross one's mind when they think of NDP.hmmm, what could it be? Do you find the sun offensive? hahaha. I think it holds the picture together,might be a bit big though. Tell me if it works!

happy days

2008-07-10T07:33:00.000-07:00

Pril evidently doesn't like being photographed when reading. haha i really like the photos though:)

2008-07-08T07:49:00.000-07:00

the colour alteration really doesn't appear properly on blogger though, I have no idea why. Suddenly my blog appears so militaristic

2008-07-07T09:11:00.000-07:00

I'm not exactly in a good mood about NS now, but I still quite like this picture. I dont think blogger handles colour management very well though.

change camera!

2008-05-09T22:23:00.000-07:00

I don't think the red hues are coming out properly on the web. Anyway I realize that a red tinge can actually be very pleasant.

I want to get rid of my d70s, and replace it with a d300. I think that one of the pluses of shooting overseas is that it feels so much more carefree compared to shooting here. Actually, its more about being less cautious of offending someone since you're probably never going to see him or her again. heh heh.

What makes a person?

2008-04-14T06:11:00.000-07:00

What makes a being?

Will using any less than the fullest capacity of one's mind diminish his role and as a human being? What if your capacity was drastically less than others? Does that make you less of a truthful individual? If you are less of a truthful individual, are u then likely to be a perpetrator of falsehood?

What makes a person? Is it judged by his capacity to believe?

" 'Because their world is not the same as Othello's world.You can't make flivvers without steel- and you cant make tragedies without social instability...Expecting Deltas to know what liberty is! And now expecting them to understand Othello! My good boy!'

The savage was silent for a little. 'All the same,' he insisted obstinately, 'Othello's good, Othello's better than those feelies.'

'Of course it is,' the Controller agreed. 'But that's the price we have to pay for stability. You've got to choose between happiness and what people used to call high art. We've sacrificed high art. We have feelies and the scent organ instead.'

'But they don't mean anything.' 'They mean themselves, they mean a lot of agreeable sensations to the audience.'

'But they're....they're told by an idiot.'

The controller laughed. 'You're not being very polite to your friend, Mr Watson. One of our most distinguished Emotional Engineers (philosopher, belief creator, sect engineer, denomination advocate)...'

'But he's right,' said Helmholtz gloomily. 'Because it is idiotic. Writing when there's nothing to say...'

'Precisely. But that requires the most enormous ingenuity. You're making flivvers out of the absolute minimum of steel- works of art out of practically nothing but pure sensation.'

The Savage shook his head. 'It all seems to me quite horrible.'

'Of course it does. Actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with over-compensation for misery. And of course, stability isn't nearly so spectacular as instability. And being contented has none of the glamour that a good fight against misfortune, none of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt. Happiness is never grand.' ...

'I was wondering,' said the Savage, 'why you had them at all- seeing that you can get whatever you want out of those bottles. Why don't you make everybody an Alpha Double Plus while you're at it?'

Mustapha Mond laughed. 'Because we have no wish to have our throats cut,' he answered. 'We believe in happiness and stability. A society of Alphas couldn't fail to be unstable and miserable. Imagine a factory staffed by Alphas- that is to say by separate and unrelated individuals of good heredity and conditioned so as to be capable (within limits) of making free choice and assuming responsibilities. Imagine it!' he repeated. The Savage tried to imagine it, not very successfully.

'It's an absurdity. An Alpha-decanted, Alpha-conditioned man would go mad if he had to do Epsilon Semi-Moron work- go mad, or start smashing things up. Alphas can be completely socialized- but only on condition that you make them do Alpha work. Only an Epsilon can be expected to make Epsilon sacrifices, for the good reason that for him they aren't sacrifices; they're the line of least resistance' " said Mustafa Mond.
- Brave New World, Aldous Huxley

What makes a person? What is 'within limits'? Who controls the limits? Are you any less of a person if you seek less for truth? And I've only tried to deal with capacity....let a lone consciousness....or deliberate ignorance..

dearest weird one

2008-03-29T01:20:00.000-07:00

She keeps a pet pitcher plant, walks on the street backwards at night, listens to 20 year old music. Knits and talks to me about post modern philosophy. Goes on wild bursts of happy sprints at the sight of a pink sky and has made me comment on its shapes and colours to unsuspecting friends, who just look at me blankly.

I'm sure there are indie songs written about people like that:P

And at the same time she's compassionate, sensitive (most important), sensible, stable, clear and somehow I just know (and this has developed over time) that I can depend on her.

plus..its her birthday! so....don't forget to wish her! HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRIL :)

Analyzing My New Zealand Photos

2008-03-13T05:36:00.000-07:00

Lacking originality, a reflection of a burnt out, passive and unthinking state. That's what I felt about quite a few of my New Zealand photos. I think that as i rushed from place to place, wielding my d70 and borrowed film xpan, the burdensome weight of a dual chore to capture everything beautiful and serene tired both my neck and artistic tolerance. I remember going for the trip thinking, I'm here to just capture that which is beautiful, that which is stunning and natural. What i got was that with a whole lot of technical shortcomings considering that i was not committed to bringing a tripod and that it was one of the first few times i was shooting landscapes. This led to, composition flaws as well as technical faults which bring the photos just short of the perfect capture.

Besides the fact that my set lacks variety and depth of thought or scope of experience, some of the shots did turn out rather decent and 'nice to look at' from a poster/postcard point of view. Alison along with several other photographer friends kinda identified the problem straight away, saying that the shorts were very pretty to look at, the place is beautiful, but if one were to be a stickler for originality, that might be where the problem lies. "The scope is limited" was the most accurate phrase from Chris. "Your shots are flat" represented the technical shortcomings. In summary, they had no character, and even if i wanted to pull of typically cliche scenic shots, the technical knowledge wasn't there to support it. I didn't know what kind of culture or feel I wanted to achieve, and my photography did not display any form of maturity. All this, while every body else's photography is growing and showing great depth of thought. I wonder where I want mine to go.

Although i am so sick of writing captions, I shall write one for this. The rugged landscape as we drove round the outskirts of the fjord in the above picture was what the little boy in the first picture was looking at. Ok no, actually he was looking out the opposite side of the bus, not the side overlooking the valley but at the side hugging the the hill. I have no idea why. Could have been the rain that he was staring at, or the water falls that sprouted from the rain, cant quite remember.

And so here is the link, for the merely pleasant shots, which reflected a tired and unthinking photographer. I quite like it for its pretty-ness and to know that i can take somewhat pretty nature shots, but nothing more. http://www.flickr.com/photos/23469236@N00/sets/72157604044992335/

On a totally different note, I think that today, I admit for one of the first few times that I am actually quite sad about not being in pes a or b. Some might think its outright stupidity to to want to be upgraded and sure lots of people in combat fit positions want to be doing office work, but I think the common sentiment by those that complete combat fit NS is that the bonds and camaraderie are great. And that the experience is irreplaceable, by virtue of the fact that nothing else in life forces you through 2 years of military training. And so, I'm not quite frustrated anymore, or angry, but rather sad that everyone else has gone off to share this experience while I'm not with them. Plus, I never thought i'd say this but it almost makes me feel less assured about what I'm doing in my 2 years now. But just taking a look at this week and the coming one, I'm quite glad that people are out and i can finally meet up with zong and the rest, arthur, seow and the tennis guys. ah well....that is the state we are in, I shall have to live with it. More about my lack of will to meet deadlines without supervision and my passive burn out some other time.

And so that's how my weekend went

2008-03-02T07:56:00.000-08:00

It feels like such a waste using a photo that i like on an angsty post. Ken tay was right, i quite like the square.

I realize that i have missed the value of good guy friends. Having spent a relaxing weekend, the cesspool organization that i return to tomorrow reminds me of the stark contrast between my life and theirs, and drills in the isolation which i now feel. I must admit that the first one month was fairly uneventful, and i was even sucked in by the idea of travel, the better-than-others posting and the acceptance of my forced upon me state. But the immersion and the overwhelming presence of a lousy boss, an inefficient and stupid organization, and the idea of many young souls being trapped in this cycle of brownie point earning, ass kissing save your own butt against one's own will is fairly disheartening.

I don't disapprove of conscription. i disapprove of the management. I disapprove of the falsehood, of the fake positive working environment, of the administration, and of the cover your ass syndrome. I disapprove of the fact that this means that no one steps beyond their scope of usual thinking, no one steps out to provide solutions, initiatives or to even promote genuine working relationships. No one wants to, because the moment you do, you get attacked by someone higher up who's more stupid than you are, but needs to protect his iron rice bowl. Either that or the person has been trapped into the culture of the bureaucratic organization and cant do anything to get out of it ore make any changes.

But u know what there are, there are SYSTEMS in place to promote all these things. There is a scheme, a procedure, to show that initiatives are promoted and even rewarded. There are SYSTEMS in place to ensure that feedback is collected. And there are SYSTEMS in place to make sure that the lifestyle and culture which we all celebrate remains present, unfazed and defended. Even if, these systems dont do anything but add to the falsehood that something is being done.Cluttering the desks of unintelligent office workers, who's sole purpose is to turn the results of these SYSTEMS into credible statistics and reports so that more SYSTEMS can be put in place somehow makes us think that our working condition is being enhanced, and people are working towards a better management.

To be honest, I have never met so many low skilled workers in such high skilled positions. A lack of intelligence is usually ok when the person does not hold excessive power which is given to him by regimentation. I mean we've all met stupid people, just not so many stupid people that keep such a massive organization running. And so i don't ask for a comprehension of rocket science, I just hope that time feels like it'll pass faster, or my immediate boss gets a brain transplant.

The ever intriguing nature of the Russian people.

2008-01-10T19:27:00.000-08:00

Stalin's ghost appears to Putin in a dream, and Putin asks for help running the country. Stalin says " Round up and shoot all the democrats and then paint the inside of the Kremlin blue. "Why blue?" Putin asks. "Ha!" says Stalin. "I knew you wouldn't ask me about the first part."

- time's man of the year issue. I wish that I could write like those fellars. (not the joke tellers)

Watching the changing colours of the evening

2008-01-04T20:42:00.000-08:00

This cowboy fellar turned out to be a great subject despite being a photographer himself. I really wanted to get his hat, you know the water proof gore-tex kind. Maybe next time, if I have more water adventures..or go on a hike.

hey the sky's changing colour!

The cloudy white balance gets exxxxtreme with the last morsels of light. The pictures definitely have it more intense than what it was, but..no post editing!

beautiful sunsets at lake tekapo

2007-12-31T23:21:00.000-08:00

I was most sad that the battery of the film Hasselblad which shoots panoramic died just before the 2 days of the most beautiful sunset and sunrise. And this town, being so small, didn't have a 24 hour store, and the sunset, being at 9.30pm was after working hours. Tragedies of being in a scenic quaint town on a summer day.

Thus, i have to make do with this digital cropping.

To be honest, I was only happy with the shooting at lake tekapo. Scenary is very difficult to take, and unless you get great light, and have an inaccurate white balance:P, the shots dont come out that great. Of course it didn't help that i left my cam on AF-C and thus some shots are out of focus.But....More New Zealand shots to come! and more descriptions of the place, as oppossed to my camera techy woes. and it turned out that last nights dinner wasnt that bad.

grumps to the world

2007-12-31T00:05:00.000-08:00

the grumps.
does not want to dance the festive dance.
or pull the festive crackers.
or sing the festive songs.
or eat the AM food.
or play with the cute kid.
or see his father play with the cute kid.
or be entertained by the jovial doctors.
and the cauliflower Compulsive ladies of yore.

the cause for aid?

2007-12-07T07:41:00.000-08:00

I am finding it exceedingly difficult to explain the validity of a church's missions programme and aid to intellectuals. It is difficult even rationalizing the intellectual aspect of it that rationalizing the spiritual aspect as the underlying principal that dictates all subsequent actions seems almost impossible to put forth. The academic questions about the validity of aid provision are however ones that I think need to be grappled with. But argh...how....one of the huge struggles ........putting forth the spiritual validity of missions. How else do we put it besides God guides our actions?

i do acknowledge that I myself am limited. Limited in understanding, even comprehension. Limited in execution, limited even in will to think it through some times. Come back to the spiritual aspect and pray. We serve a limitless God. I can already hear the intellectuals biting back.

alienation of the working class

2007-11-09T06:31:00.000-08:00

I'm telling you thats what happened today. I was going to write at lengths that today's disruption of a year 6's final exam soccer game by illogical sec3 concampers was due to the alienation of the working class, but i shan't for the reason that i think my frustrated loud remarks were very unkind, and i feel quite bad about it. But goodness, after such a layered english paper I didn't want to care for the reasons of why the concampers were on the pitch.

irritated rantings

2007-10-15T06:13:00.000-07:00

I'm only irritated because somehow my conversation with my dad drifted to suggest "Why didn't you let me upgrade? Kwong a national sailor has almost the same problem as I do, and his cardiologist let him upgrade. We're all sports people who have been training for the past 10 years and nothing has happened. "

We've talked about it before and im still equally disgruntled. To be honest I don't think i would have been as disgruntled about the health grading if we hadn't talked about it this evening. I mean in the end the bunch of us who are in PES E will just laugh about it,try to get a good vocation, and gloat about our lack of reservist, but when you think about all your other friends going to do all the normal stuff, its kind of pissing off.

Compound it with a lousy math paper and you get more disgruntled. Could have done the paper a lot better.

My letter says " Please bring along your medication. A refrigerator will be provided for storage of your medicine... Only recreational activities (which are game-based) and static exercises will be conducted."

I would laugh at it, but when I thought about the rest running off to A and B, this position felt rather irritating.

Portraits to last a lifetime

2007-10-13T01:49:00.000-07:00

Darren cries 'I want my xiao ji!' on the last Wednesday ever. Luke's a natural.

A rare capture of Dt not stoning.
Angsty Kiat.Speaking of angsty, .14+bloke's performance of 'In the End' should be up soon.
Hope sern doesnt kill me.
loke sai..haha

And tp looks happy.

Some really heartfelt message about my time in ACS (I) is begging to emerge, with thoughts of never ever walking out the gates under the same context moving me to realize that our time here has really come to an end. The past 6 years have been so rich, and it is no doubt that something that you put a large part of your life into will inevitably bear high returns and at the same time, hold a part of your heart ransom. It is actually the old ACS, if you could call it that(of course each preceding generation will hold a more substantial claim to the old ACS)- the sec1 to 4 years that are and will continue to pull at my heartstrings. The modern, new institution of fast change will always be different from the edge of the world 3.14 and 4.14 classrooms, side field soccer, afternoon trainings and prefect camps. Back when there was only one yellow level staffroom and where the idea of life in ACS(I) ended in sec4, midway through one's educational development. Sure, the additional 2 years have completed my path before tertiary education, but this is an experience and culture never before set in our school. Its new, it breaks from the norm, it alters the ACS (I) experience. So while I've had a heck of a time with my class the past 2 years, and the journey with the cohort has been exciting,disheartening at times and and yet promising, life of ACS(I) students will undoubtedly never be the same again. I just thought I had to acknowledge the times of the ACS boys who have been through it from the start, considering that a lot of the celebrations and recollections have been about our IB life. I guess when we look at it in its entirety, it is then that we truly know our place as ACS boys.

Portraits of a lazy cat, on a changi morning

2007-10-02T23:31:00.000-07:00

It was quite a cute cat, Mich and i tried to entice it to get into the sun..didn't help that it stopped responding to the name Rembaldi.

view from an elephant's butt

And there were other animals too. The interesting thing about these kind of explorations is that you never know what you're going to find. Plus if you have a camera, all the better.

I don't quite like this one as part of the series with its b&w sepia tones..considering that it doesn't accurately reflect what the morning was like, but the place was rather rustic.

There's something unexplainable about these exploratory walks. I don't think I can go to a place like this without going around to take a look. I won't try explaining the fascination or satisfaction derived from it, in fear of getting it jinxed.haha.But so far its been something to experience alone.It isn't one of those silent zen, peace like times, its actually the opposite. Its quietly exciting, when i step onto the walking path, and getting off the path onto the rocks is equally exciting too, although our algae murky rocks aren't the nicest.Oh well, maybe go back sometime,although if i were to go at 9 again it might be boring the second time round.Will probably wake up earlier like i originally intended to. Sern woke up at 9.00 to laugh at me ' HAHA...want to wake up at 5.30 so action..' or something along those lines..before going back to sleep. Ah well its kind of strange that i didn't talk about the party itself, which was fun and hilarious as always. More about the nutters some time soon.

How I know that I don't have a mathematical mind

2007-09-14T04:17:00.000-07:00

An informal poll of residents in a particular street indicated that four fifths of them oppose the construction of traffic lights at the end of the street. One of the residents decides to carry out a formal survey and randomly samples 20 people who live in the street. Assuming the figures obtained in the initial poll is correct, find the probability that : (a) exactly 16 residents (b) 16 or more residents oppose the construction of the lights.

Now why were these people opposing the construction?
What would their manner of response to a survey be?
What petty arguments would arise at a meeting of these townsfolk?

Is statistical evidence a substantial expression of people's sentiments?
Should a decision thus be based on the poll or is a centrally made decision more representative of the people's interest?

Ok the last 2 were really pushing it....but the point is....
I thought of at least the first 3, before or at the same time as the need to figure out how to calculate the probability. My tutor just laughed. I am still trying to do SL stats. try try try. I will figure sl math out.

i think that Tonga is out to get me

2007-09-12T05:05:00.000-07:00

I think that Tonga is out to get me.

Last night i watched a documentary on the Humpback whales of Tonga.
This morning, during my econs paper i use an incorrect example on the lack of regulation in Tonga, referring to the trade of Humpback produce.
In the evening over dinner I see Tonga score a try against the USA in the first 2 minutes after a tremendously intimidating Tongan war dance.

I have never used the word 'Tonga' so many times in my life.
If i were to be literary (like all genius lit writers), in feeble preparation for tomorrow, I would say that just like in the wood-pile, a hidden Tongan force is out to get me.
Through the TV screen.
Man versus Tonga would be the theme.
Here's the official website of the Government of Tonga.
it looks very very happy. Which is making me even more suspicious.

and its yeh yehs birthday!

2007-08-26T04:04:00.000-07:00

Grandfa's a happening man.

and thats the teochew singing lady.

ling. ben. lish. hans. chris. amanda. tim. karen. ashley. gerrold
andrew and alex. And Bryan Tay's in japan swimming fast, hopefully.

Most lady like Amanda Tay

and Ashley looks most amused, amusing :P

Ling and I

katelyn

And the mandatory abstract shot.

Turned out really much more formal than i expected, and we didn't do stupid things like the last time, but oh well. Cousins are going back in a few weeks. gah. Shall wait for next summer then.

for the patriot

2007-08-26T04:00:00.000-07:00

skies of our land:)

took them from my tutor's place today, now it isn't spectacular, but its Singapore:P

I have masked my tone for that double meaning line behind the ambiguousness of internet text.. :P Sleep earlier please! Night:)

Hear ye! Hear ye

2007-08-24T07:56:00.000-07:00

i knew i saw that light ray from heaven thing somewhere. Didn't capture it that well though.

remember doyle? ^ ^

a duck

Random photos of greecian temples, cloud hidden mountains, cliff sittings and ducks....
the point is....i want to TRAVEL! Beyond this red fireworking land.

Russia Russia! Siberia! Siberia! the ideological motherland beckons.

find a way to achieve voluntary subscription to a ban on factions

2007-08-09T09:52:00.000-07:00

The title has nothing to do with this post. Just more random political musings.

Well, out of all the Vietnam readings (which actually isn't much...very reasonable), I found this paragraph from President Johnson to his brother most intriguing.

"That's just the trouble..it's always my move. And, damn it, I sometimes can't tell whether I'm making the right move or not. Now take this Vietnam mess. How in the hell can anyone know for sure what's right and what's wrong, Sam? I got some of the finest brains in the country- people like Dean Rusk...and Dean Acheson- making some strong convincing arguments for us to stay in there and not pull out. Then I've got some people like George Ball and Fulbright- also intelligent men whose motives I cant rightly distrust- who keep telling me we've got to de-escalate or run the risk of a total war. And, Sam, I've got to listen to both sides....I've got to choose between my opposing experts...Buit I sure as hell wish i could REALLY know what's right."
-Taken from The USA and Vietnam by Vivienne Sanders.

I must say I did feel a sense of empathy for LBJ after reading that paragraph. Despite the criticism about the lack of transparency which he operated under, the conversation sounded tremendously raw, fraught with his decision making burdens. Now I suppose it serves to reveal the struggles that most national leaders with good intentions would face in a crisis. Isn't that what everyone wants to know...whats REALLY right?

non-documentatitve photography

2007-08-08T21:08:00.000-07:00

A series of photos that doesn't tell the story of the night = to non-documentative photography = abstract photography/lucky photography/ crappy stuff.

This lot needed quite a bit of fixing. I was pretty peeved with myself, considering that i had actually gone with the intention of specifically shooting the chinese dance troupe, but positioned myself poorly by the time they came on stage. I ended up shooting from the middle of the CPA instead of from the floor at the foot of the stage, in fear that my tripod would block the vips. grrr...now if i had sat at the foot of the stage..I would have gotten the dude in the second photo flying upwards towards me, instead of to the left. That way the power team of f2.8s would have been truly worth it. Oh well, wasn't thinking straight, problems with exposure too.

Night of Fast Lenses

2007-08-03T00:13:00.000-07:00

In order to break the air of disconcertion that my last post has left, I shall now tell you about my happy arsenal for tonight.

17-55mm Nikkor f2.8
70-200mm Sigma f2.8
50mm Nikkor f1.8

hoho I've never had such a fast arsenal all at once. Still bringing a tripod and remote release though, so that i don't have to pump my infamous d70s' ISO up too high. Performance photography can be quite fun, wish i could shoot some dance troupe sometime, or an actual theatre performance.

There are many things to be grateful for. And also many things to resolve.

Scary trees

2007-07-19T05:48:00.000-07:00

Wonders of a polarizer at evening time.

As you can tell, I am feeling rather disturbed. Not disturbed in the psychotic killer sense, although the convoluted entwined tendril branch concoction above would tend to suggest so...but disturbed in the 'too many unresolved things happened today' therefore not feeling at ease sense. I quite dislike that feeling. First, it was a feeling of shock and disbelief. Then it was a feeling of sleepiness...then i awoke to the question of religion by Reuben, which was interesting, and I found myself replying faster than my sleepy mind could think, although in the end what i said made sense....i think....

And then I was disturbed by the high rigors of Oxford academia. And then I was disturbed at the realization that I've stopped genuinely liking to learn, something that probably happened sometime last year, as a result of being put off by the TOK teaching(not all btw...there were one or two gems) and council. And somehow the desire to learn doesnt feel like returning now, and you can't force it. And then I'm reminded of my resolution to quietly work hard till the end. I'm just sad that I've forgotten how it feels like to want to learn, and am rather focussed on just wanting to get the grades. Even thats a struggle. And then after that I'm disturbed that we couldn't meet Ms Chock and get the council meeting over and done with once and for all.

And then I'm disturbed, that the brightly coloured attractive fruit, (refer to the previous post) might not grow more succulent, it may not be even maintain its colour...but instead slowly..give into the surrounding pressures and morph from sweet strawberries(with stubble in them) to a stone, or even more so, to a prefectorial board, as wonderful guest of honour so kindly predicted. I know thats harsh, but common is that really where you want the post secondary culture to go? Each serves its own function, hopefully to the best of their ability, but each path must be distinct, and their lack of ideological association recognized. One(meaning part of the new group) should feel pressure from all sides mounting, the integrity and identity being hard pressed and altered, and one should actively work against that.I'm saying this, not just in response to the speaker(that would be imbalanced and stupid), but with the background of the million influences that tried to dictate what we were to become over the past year.

I don't think we emphasized the revolutionary fervor(cough cough) strongly enough. I think we were too rightist.

oh well...its not my lot..its not our lot..stardee..study.

Maneuvering the animal

2007-07-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

One comes to realize with time, that ACS (Independent) is an animal. To newcomers, it is a totally different animal from almost any others they have tried to watch over. An ambitious animal, a vicious animal. If you were to come close to riding it, not for control, but just to see where it takes you, you would realize that there is no saddle for the rider. If you hang on tight enough though, it promises to teach you strength beyond what is commonly known to most zoologists. The force at which it breaks the air, golden red glistening feathers, and legs larger than a bear's trunk will also tell you that the animal is not to be tamed. Its awareness and acute understanding of the rest of the animal kingdom will never allow it. Maybe you should never want it to be tamed. Maybe you can grow to be one of its feeders, already a privileged position.

As for its self defence and a predatory nature, it maneuvers to become the prime member of a particular line in the food chain. Its unique ability to modify its intestinal track, changing to absorb new sources of nutrients with each shift in climate up keeps its sustainability. Sometimes it even creates the food it is to eat. It is strange, that such an animal, more powerful than you or I, more self willed and determined, should be watched over, should need statesmanship pledged to itself. That statesmanship, pledged and just released, has left the rider with a more comprehensive understanding into the models for strength in the animal kingdom. It has been valuable, is valuable, and once again reminds the rider that right and wrong in an experience like this, is hardly ever as clear as the difference between black and white. But the experience has been beneficial, the zoo keeping has bore brightly coloured fruit.Succulent, maybe not, but bright and attractive at least. Ultimately, you do what you can to learn about the animal. Perhaps along the way it will show you what it needs. And perhaps fulfilling that, with each generation, is what is best.

For the experience, I am grateful.

the day before youth day. Wowee.

2007-07-01T01:40:00.000-07:00

Also 2 days before physics, history and history again.

The strangest occurence greeted me this morning as i traversed through the crowd of 9am church goers. It was my first time back to CCMC in awhile, and i was I was hoping to meet some of my old friends before heading up to the chapel. Instead, i bumped into my dad's friends who i used to play tennis with. One of the ladies says,

"Hey, its good to see you. Do you remember me?"
"Yeah, we used to play tennis right?"
and I think to myself, "Has it been that long?"
then she says, "Can you remember me? You're better already.............i heard you had AMNESIA, got into an accident on the tennis court." And she looks at me, trying to detect signs of recognition from my face.
"Eh? no la..."
and her husband comes up and says "Oh not you ah? must be another Hans..."
Church people relations.

How strange.
I then proceed to meet Mrs fanny tan's sister, who was from the tennis group as well. At least she didnt think i had amnesia and was smiley as usual.

I have thus proved Serg right, by participating in mid sunday lady's tennis social.

Finally, when i came home and started on "optics" revision for physics, i felt particularly moved to play with my camera and the biggest baddest lens in my dry box with the widest aperture and the fastest shutter speed. Apparently inefficient drawings of ray diagrams and reading about spherical and colour aberrations for two hours had left my hands and eyes itching for the real thing. Drawing those stunted inverted dotted arrows with the multiple construction lines for telescopes just didn't cut it. But i must admit that I was really surprised that there was some intrinsic connection within me between what i was studying and an appreciation for the mighty (or not so mighty sigma) 70-200mm f2.8 with 18 glass elements.

ok cut the geek talk. I am no where near the nirvana of analyzing graphs, constructing my own filters, and understanding chemical properties of flim and dark rooms. Although I wish did, because I would be darn creative and probably really good at physics. Also i was reading a very informative and historical Nat Geo book, where they documented how the first undersea photo with flash was taken. Apparently this 1926 photographer exploded some volatile charge of magnesium flash powder to take some greotesque looking brown hogfish 15 feet underwater. Almost got him and his partner burnt i think.

oh well. The nice thing is that i think i'll pick it up with experience, and my true appreciation for physics would only come when i'm 50 and can tell all the young punk photographers how i used to make my own filters with cellophane and how i gradiented it and removed the vigenetting.All this because i had no money:P hahaha yeah right, i just threw in random terms, with hardly any semblance of connection between them.

So if you've read to this point,I have no idea why you did, because the above was some very misguided and inaccurate nerd talk, the only kind of nerd talk that im capable of, thus furthering the start of my peculiar morning.

The great injustice that needs to be resolved

2007-06-29T07:54:00.000-07:00

Many thoughts, questions. to be dealt with.
These ideas, the world to him seemed vile, everything was vile,
the proccesses, self sustaining circle of wealth creation.
These seemed frivolous to him, such an industry,
"I cannot comprehend working and placing importance in one", he says.
How can we? When importance is in the deprived.
How vile.
How superfluous,
in this never ending cycle of self made meaning.

He was a levin, he said to himself.
No, no he wanted to be one better.
He never understood these processess, thought them to be redundant,
surely there must be a necessity,
if not why do they exist?
The self fulfilling industries that is.

Somehow everything seems banking on selfishness.
If not why do we too, not give right now?
Give all, give more? Shame momentarily fills his thoughts.
Why stay wrapped up in this self conceited luxury?
Sure its not opulent living,
but most certainly, there's something holding us back.
The same thing that holds all the others back.
All the millions of the more fortunate ones.

Injustice is vile.
The knowledge and restraint is vile.
The creation of the industry is superfluous.
The response, to this injustice needs to be sorted out now. Within this year.
For fear that we too, become like one of the many.
Lost, selfish, ignorant,apathetic and claiming innocence to our depraved ways.
I can already feel it happening, this sense of loss to response.
Needs to be answered to.

A weekend of high import oriented consumerism

2007-06-18T07:28:00.000-07:00

Father and daughter. The result of street photography and people watching in the small congested roads of Hong Kong. I did'nt get many good shots, just managed to snap these few while my cousins looked around the tiny stalls. Standing and waiting for a scene like this was fun:) Although this was all i got in a span of two days. haha the rest are quite nonsense.

Feeding my, "HK should have many dingy dark alleys amidst the modern setting" bias. I bet i could get the same shot in singapore.lol

The shopkeeper infront of me looks on.

And of course, these fellars are always fun to be with. I have the most trendy relatives.And, i should start taking photos in landscape. Heh but right now...hans feels stressed.

a nice start to a good day

2007-05-27T12:00:00.000-07:00

all i can say is...hans you are daaaaaaaamn slow
can u move a bit faster...please?

the hans of now says to the hans of 20 minutes ago.
i am now listening to "the boy who couldn't hoe corn" by Alison Krauss & Union station. Very profound.

To the Sportsmen and Their Craft

2007-05-25T08:50:00.000-07:00

And so our six years of commitment to the ACS(I) sporting scene concludes. The fact that i could play rounders on the field today barefoot without worry of getting my foot stubbed was a highly disconcerting one. What drove home the point that our time has ended was the knowledge that I would never need to worry about it again. And yes, that was a very upsetting feeling. As a result of this new found recklessness, i now have a bruise on my butt that prevents me from sitting properly. I never realized i felt this much attachment to tennis, or to the common identity of everything a team would go through in that many years. Hassan to Sergio to Hock Chye and Hassan. Steve to Mrs Quek. The years of trying to guess RI's line up, now upgraded to RJ, internal strife of getting dropped and the woes of Montfort's talent importation policy.

The loss of 5 finals in a week is obviously disappointing. Xim tia la, when i met Blandon, Tim gay Kwan and all. But at least common xim tia, as we exchanged hand shakes and the shared look of disappointment. The latest word around has been "You're not in 'A' Div if you haven't got a silver"(Applies only to the teams of the last 1 month). Cant remember who said that, but squashers, u anomaly asses. Lol I'm kidding...we're very very proud of you. I don't think the various sports have experienced such a strong common understanding across not only each another's teams, but across the cohort. The support has been Amazing. I've never felt so much sincerity and warmth from what felt like almost every student that came down for the 4 finals, the congratulations and the thanks from so many teachers. The year 6s were really awesome, I've never seen so many of them banded together, travelling from tennis to rugby, and the next day from Badminton to Hockey. And they were SO LOUD.

Now, I will be my typical self and veer off sentimentalism, into analysis that reveals a rather worrying aspect. Due to the academic focus of the IB programme, we will always have a small intake of students per year. Its nature is academically exclusive, and because of its exclusive nature, we might lose one or two players each year to schools like ACJC or RJ. Now this probably would'nt boost ACJC too much:P because either way we will keep our bulk of ACS(I) players. (this is in response to their prideful bitter claims and bawdy swears that they would have whacked us if they played us in the semis.) But rather those one or two players could make all the difference to us, especially in sports like tennis, badminton and squash. Not only will we lose players, but once again because of our exclusive academic nature, we would'nt actively sweep up all the Cat High, SJI fellars which is what RJ strategically does. So we make do with our top Sports Boys' school winning secondary school bunch, which will probably put us to the finals like this year, but the fight after that is tough because we lack the critical mass. Oh well, that is something that the next few years will have to deal with I guess.

Now forget about the analysis, and remember the common understanding. The common understanding of hard work and dedication that all sportsmen share and that the cohort rallied together for. There was great spirit and character, and it took our year to show it. For that, we are all very proud. Thank you lavi, and josh (who are in the photo, lavi in squash as well) and all the supporters who ran to and fro to what jj calls the ulu-est of lands, and the council, for leading so strongly. Truly, we have begun an 'A' Div culture. now i hope the year 5s dont screw it up:P. hahaha. I am tremendously protective in this post, the kind of protective that i get irritated with other people about, but i suppose now i see a need for it. Let's keep this post amoral. As for the photos, I must give mention to Chris sun and Zong for those from tennis and squash. Only the hockey photos were from my use of Sun's D80.Apologies that i dont have any of badminton and bowling.

"its raining"

and hassan, on our very first training in sec 1 goes,

"lets go, 35 minutes skipping, 15 rounds around the track, 100 push ups 100 sit ups 100 back arches" somewhere in the distance, Kamil our senior laughs.

I'm sure thats no where near the worst of what many sports teams have gone through,

but i'll tell you now, that at sec 1, i cheated :P

mmft...the trade off...opportunity cost in its true sense..

2007-05-17T07:43:00.000-07:00

yes i do feel that gloomy. 33 points and a lack of entry is a very very...telling moment. it is a trade off and has always been. studies, council, tennis. its just bumming that u dont fulfill the package. somehow u want to fulfill the singaporean package because it guarantees you success, even if its within the singaporean system (which somehow u feel u would end up thriving in if u werent allowed to fulfill your other passions..and is hence somewhat attractive.) the worst thing is that u know ure of standard, but there is just one huge element missing. and it is by no other person's responsibility that this element is missing. yes it has always been a trade off, just never with this form of significance attached.

nvm nvm..its very bumming i guess.the next battle to fight is with laziness. mean while, its time to focus on what i like to do, painting, murals and a possible 3 day long itz for wed. ergh.

Saint Paul's Cathedral at dusk.

2007-05-16T07:36:00.000-07:00

i should have spent my time working on ferds essay, or ioc, or tok, or trying to get great assistance for my physics pracs. instead, i end up coming up with the above page. im not sure what its supposed to be....a page in a magazine?some blown up matt thing for an exhibit? (click click! on the photo to enlarge it..but i warn u first...the grammar on it is scary...cant be bothered to go and change it though.) i dont know what its supposed to be, but i like the idea of putting a few photos with some distinct similarities together to form a complete piece. Visual and thematic continuation in presentation has begun to interest me of late. (there is something wrong in terms of visual placement though)

anyway, i would have liked to work with a lifestyle magazine.

or be the director of an art/photo exhibition some day.

actually its very possible to do both in the school setting. but oh well.

Don't worry, i dont feel half as gloomy as these first two pictures. in fact, i feel like eating this brightly coloured fruit concoction thing.

i wish i had a lens baby. this ones taken with a 50mm 1.8. i dont know how to explain the technical capabilities of a lens baby, but its basically a lens, that allows u to..for some reason blur out various parts of the picture. i've only used it once..and it was really short over dinner...but it feels like a tube and u can twist and lift it. a bit hard to explain...but very fun to play with.

i really feel like eating this fruit thing.

and i really wish i could work in a lifestyle magazine. or have started one successfully in school..oh well...one of the many other things i could have done...if not for...

haha oh well.

Homogenization, Architecture and Mr. Man

2007-05-01T05:44:00.000-07:00

Today i went for dinner at my uncle's place, and as i sat down at the table, i saw the very characteristic yellow borders of a national geographic magazine peeking out from the book pile. Carefully pulling it out and leaving the others untouched, i realized that this was the "travel edition" of national geographic. The merits of having a photographer uncle and an aunt who likes to travel and buy strange ornate byzantine looking lamps is that they leave these good short reads lying around the house. Didnt know nat geo produced more than one type of magazine. Anyway the cover read, "America's TUSCANY, villas, vineyards, fine food, and old friends. And no passport required."

sounds wondrous aye, but it wasnt the living on a vineyard estate, the bourgeoisie raisins in port, wine on the patio(which by the way probably spans acres) and wife carrying sourdough scene that caught my attention.

you can tell all that from the photo? suuure. Well neither did the other titles "Last real Africa- On safari in zambia" or "turkey's magic carpet ride" send me flipping through the pages with anticipation for what i might observe. Instead, it was an interview with a Washington based architect Travis Price- who i quote, "once built a windmill on a new york city rooftop- was an alternative-energy consultant to the Carter Administration...and who teaches Spirit of Place, a multi disciplinary program that enables architecture students to research, design and construct projects in remote locations as a team." that was rather inspiring.

now if u know me well, im quite the conventionalist, and am not a fan of an even bigger one sitting on top of a new york city rooftop. Neither am i a dedicated supporter of the go green movement that would actively seek to reduce the drain of oil and pollutants by constructing the world's largest solar office buliding in Chattanooga(wherever that is) like he has.

and so, it was the answers to the questions " you grew up in places like Georgia, Panama, Germany. Has authenticity been lost in those places?" and "what should we look for in a well designed structure?" which really got me going.

To the first question, he says "Sadly, everything has morphed into generica, it seems. (what an accurate way to describe things! I look for an ungay word that means gush but cannot find it.) I see Europeans looking more like hip-hop Americans than i see Americans looking like Europeans. This flimsy sort of homogenization has begun to put a bogus veneer over everything. That kind of subtle soft, washing away of diversity is a problem. Its dangerous for all the arts, but particularly for architecture. You go to Paris and see a Gap store. You go to Tokyo and see a Gap store. It seems to me that people dont care enough about homogenization or the lack of authenticity. When you try to take it, you put a phony neocolonial front on a resort, or you create the silliness of a Tuscan village ten miles from Las Vegas. That desperation to decorate drowns the human spirit, desensitizes you to genunie cultural differences and the power of nature."

and to the second question of "what should we look for in a well-designed structure?" he replies: First, you want to feel that a place creates the sense of being a temple. Its your home, your sanctuary. The second ingredient is a relationship with nature. Natural rythms must be a big part of a well-built space; its an indoor-outdoor experience that reminds you you're not in a fossil-fuel cocoon. The third part is that architecture should reflect the period you live in, unless of course, its a great historic place. When you're building new, you really have to embrace modern industrial technology. Otherwise, you're creating a false sense of the past. Combine those attributes, and you have contemporary authenticity. The spirit of place is evoked. "

Now how well crafted is that. The bottom line is, i love his cry for contemporary authenticity. You dont hear concepts like that these days, plus its so elegantly put. The ability to preach such depth through what was probably a verbal interview is definitely something.

http://www.travispricearchitects.com/ is Travis Price's architectural website. It has quite a dramatic entrance scene but i havent had time to look through it yet..will have soemtime soon i hope!

the very real people

2007-04-30T06:31:00.000-07:00

the very real people. need to think about life, talk about life, they are the people to go to. intellectual, emotional depth, philosophical, visual and personable. the ultimate combination. and of course since their lot is to teach visual expression, the maturity in thought development is extreme.

tham, guy on extreme right, asks in an email from columbia u "Thanks for the link, ( http://www.theppy.com/competition/results?year=2007# ) I was just wondering, what makes an award winning photo. The political overtone or the love of humanity, or is it just another game. I totally agree, to be able to work for National Geographic would really give people the drive to create good works. "

its not often that im open to being exposed to new dimensions of thinking. but this time, after reading his email, i asked the same question he did. is it because we stick true to the values of humanity, and rejoice in that. or are we shrouded by current affairs and political overtones. and in the end, we report to a public that celebrates the expression of these politicized developments and counts its epic nature as that of chief importance. but then again, there are times where humanity is valued by society to be of chief importance and perhaps there, there is no game. One also cannot deny that yes, amidst what we call political overtones, there often exists a heck lot of humanity within. and so, the conclusion is that the line is indistinct, but as photographers and the public, we must be consciously aware of this indistinct distinction. maybe then we will be slightly sharper to our surroundings. have i been able to lose you? great, because i don't know what I'm talking about either. now comes the real issue. today i took a cab back with josh, and yes thoughts grew. i asked. replied yes. why did i so think of this? months are long, i mean short. but that doesn't matter. three things surfaced from the conversation, but most important thing is..don't stress.I'm fine with whatever you're fine with...given these hectic days. (hans says this in his most stable and placid tone. unfortunately and ironically, he learnt the word 'placid' a long time back from the movie 'lake placid', where giant man eating crocodiles ruled the earth). give it time and talk i guess.most important thing is..DONT WORRY!... talk to me if need be.. smiley faces on blogs are ugly.

anyway i did have an interesting short time with shiv and josh as we waited for shiv to finish his very potent kopi o gosong. talked about the new group. called one a sparticist. opposing view, but with probably ineffectual and shallow unaware uprising concepts. soon to 'bring on board' or shape up la. but then again who are these high handed seniors, that come back to 'shape us up'. ai..so lets think carefully, before going in. flexibility, sincerity, discernment and unity on our part is quite necessary. good valued assessment coupled with the added charisma will always spur it forward. ai, better not jinx it by over intellectualizing it. will leave it to our next meeting and be honest there.

O'sheah! Philip Neville! Rooney! Eagles!

2007-04-28T08:23:00.000-07:00

Goodness what a time for a chelsea draw and a 0-2 comeback. i was flipping between channel 23 and 24 to and fro. woahoh....and with a name like Eagles...u've got to be destined for greatness. He had such a smooth finish. Im also half wondering whether neville purposely pa jiao-ed.

"This is the year" says seow. perhaps it is.
" We need two more wins, which means we could lift the trophy at stamford bridge too" says jacob. mark of a true fan. Hoho.

lets go friends. 2 more wins 2 more wins.

nerrreghhgh

2007-04-22T08:47:00.000-07:00

its times like these (some 11:45s) when I quite want to change my msn status from 'appear offline' to 'online.' but resist resist! do work! because I know I cannot multi task.
and so i come to blog about it -_-
at least theres no response.

busy busy days.

sigh, today i realize

2007-04-16T08:22:00.000-07:00

its tough when you put your heart and soul into something you believe in and it gets shot down.

In this case, it was the bid for:
the establishment of permanent institutions, that will shift us to focus more on the need for dependence on, or a more mutual acceptance on the genuine needs of students- an avenue and purpose that should actually be fully developed by now. This of course must be enacted with utmost diplomacy and credible representation, if not it never works. Ranting is not our purpose. Credible dependence and a mutual responsibility in mature leadership is what we're looking for. All for the betterment of our post secondary school community. how noble.

But even as we propose this direction, the dangers and possible abuses must be highlighted from the start. Firstly, mechanisms never act independently, if they do, they lend themselves to becoming unfeeling and routine, neglecting their original purpose. it must always come hand in hand with values of sensitivity, discernment,humility, empathy and the wise counsel of teachers. Yet just like how mechanism cannot act independently of values, neither can these values act independently of the mechanism. It is as simple as, procedure gives values and beliefs potency and are thus often needed for effective execution. Our role must thus include the fulfillment of these two core requirements to the best of our ability. It thus really sucks when this push for the opening of the much calculated and belief fuelled avenue is rejected. Maybe give it a week? re-approach it differently? i don't know, its just very discouraging to hear that they never want to have this dependence- which is unrepresentative of a mature post secondary school community.

i dont like it when terms have to be abstract, i cannot quote examples, and the knowledge of the above broad descriptions being possibly unacceptable as well. Its like writing a bad essay with big concepts, but no historical backing to substantiate your point. It must be hard to follow like that. Thus, this is my semi wish. That when we conclude our time, i will release a memoir akin to:

Maybe title will change a bit. so will posture and name.=X haha aiyar..its not that epic la. its just that, with every experience, there are observations to analyze and comment on. Also, writing helps formulate well weighted value judgments which are increasingly demanded in our ever deceptive world.

And so, am i disappointed? yes, very. Disheartened at their mindsets? yes very.
it is an ideological battle. A battle against ingrained mindsets of 15 years. Never easy. no time to battle also.

'you have to work together with us on this' she says today. Agreed, but its got to work the other way too, to mutual understanding and having a consolidated approach..hopefully.

Eight's worth it..lets look around still

2007-04-15T07:33:00.000-07:00

Waking up in London at Lishans place.What bliss. i got up late on most of them though, and chan was most displeased.a pensive photo thus taken by him in jest of my grogginess.

on another note...

i am very full.always am after sunday dinners with the five cousins, uncles aunties and grandfa. heard a good message today, nice atmosphere, made friends, it was well balanced and i felt comfortable...glad. oh..and no alternative theories:P

thats always the number one concern..haha.

sleep early friends.

its vjc this week! glad, quite glad..glad...well pleased.

none

2007-04-14T10:55:00.000-07:00

lol i like myself alot better when im in a happy disposition.
on another note gregory and the hawk suck=X

clouds and a night sky

2007-04-06T08:54:00.000-07:00

i wish i could have captured the swirl of clouds around it.

Apart from that, i've had such a meaningless week. stayed up on Tuesday to finish ee and think, and it just went down from there. (it was, finish ee first before think). Felt very tired in school after that.Maybe it shows. I've had the same amount of good times with friends during break, training was good, but somehow, as i end the week i reach the point of finding the usual taken for granted assurance, gladness, and acceptance of the past week missing.

Mrs Elaine lee's devotions on Friday was very apt though.Seemed to address the questions that arose this week. i think God likes to engineer these coincidences to tell ppl things. its just that the magic that i used to view it with isnt quite there anymore. I think its self willed. i need to figure out this whole whether 'feeling Gods presence' is it right, is it wrong, how much of it is true, how much of it is self created, how much of it is misled, how much of it is sincere, once and for all. im tired.

connect the dots please.

this graph looks to be a straight line.

no wait a minute, its starting to curve.

look again,

its circular.

whatever that means.

Sometimes shooting with the wrong white balance works. i think i'll purposely try underexposing my skies with the camera next time.

2007-04-04T08:09:00.000-07:00

hmm..i wonder if im angry because i want to be angry.
either that or im angry because i'm just stubborn and self willed...and i dont want to give into something or someone else. maybe its part of an excuse for not wanting to give up other areas of my life to God, and having something to hold against Him under the name of 'reason- God you're illogical' works.

but what if i give in because its just practically easier.

How bout if i accept it and go on living in joy because i know of the better reality now. and that one day i will experience the same reality. and maybe release the sadness with this knowledge.

the only thing about that which troubles me is that it seems to be the practically easier step. and that faith seems to ignore alot of questions. but should i even be asking the questions in the first place? is there an answer?

aiyar im not burdened. its just that theres always this unresolved issue that comes around at least once every year during this time period. just that it is usually accompanied by alot more sadness. maybe i've just learnt to block it out a bit more..which is never a good thing i guess.

2007-04-03T10:21:00.000-07:00

but i dont know whether i want to think about it because i hardly think about it at other times.
because i dont know the answers and it always leads back to the same point
and i think if u keep avoiding it...it'll just either never be thought of or covered over.
and i mean what other kind of emotion to feel when u think about it besides sadness and hurt? and do u really want to visit that?

now i dont know if its nice to remember. remember also for what. no use right. cant bring back anything. am i pissed with God. maybe. i think a level of me is, inside.until i get an answer. its better if someone kept talking about it every year. and to have someone keep telling me it means something. my father doesnt talk about it anymore. now family members are hardly around. people forget. they say get on with life, live life like its normal. of course u do that. but u have intrinsic questions never answered, and u go on living life practically.

its almost like i hope someone would give me an answer some day. but how to tell someone this and expect them to give u an answer? not fair also right. so just let it pass.

the question that arises then is...whats good, whats right, whats beneficial, whats understandable. how do u know...but feel it..think it..and let it pass by.

i said..'dearest mum, i'm glad God healed you. Everyone prayed Hard.' love hans
and what do u get. for his own quiet time. he needs it.
am i angry..i dont know if im angry. more sad than angry.

3rd april.

today i learn about the french horn

2007-04-01T08:54:00.000-07:00

Brass Family instruments produce their unique sound by the player buzzing his/her lips while blowing air through a cup or funnel shaped mouthpiece. To produce higher or lower pitches, the player adjusts the opening between his/her lips. The brass family can trace its ancestry back to herald French horns, hunting horns, and military bugles. The main instruments of the brass family include the trumpet, trombone, French horn, and tuba. As with other instrument families, the shorter the tubing length, the higher the sound and the longer the tubing length, the lower the sound.
The horn or French horn consists of about 12 feet of narrow tubing wound into a circle. The player obtains different notes on the horn with a clear mellow sound by pressing valves with the left hand and by moving the right hand inside of the bell...on top of that, it makes wailing sounds which in time i will learn are rather pleasant.

it is also a friend's favourite orchestra instrument behind the lesser used piano.

oh well...sleep sleep. night.

and all the best with EEs..whoevers up doing them. my time will be tomorrow. as for now, ippt for NS seems like a more worthy cause to sleep for.

marching boys

2007-03-28T08:50:00.000-07:00

I was tempted to sentimentalize the above scene, of boys carrying guns, with poetry. However after realizing that one of the lines would include something about them having 'supple hands, lying in tandem against prop guns' i figured it was too gay. and possibly, had too many connotations.

dils if ure laughing at the nearly gay statement=X nvm...laughing is good for health. eh but thanks for the cd=) mr paolo nutini is good listening.

and so i shall just leave the caption as. 'anglo-chinese school independent's founder's day'. how boring. hai..talk about army also for what...kena downgrade to c9 c9 c9 c9...also very condemn.

on another note, i finally realized, that all my uni subjects that ive considered of so far, dont exactly fit what i have a genuine passion for. theyre around the area, but not exactly what i want to do. archi(ok thats just the design side), journalism? political science? commentary? pretty much feels like my JC life. i like history econs and lit, but somehow they dont feel like thats what i want to do or be passionate about for the rest of my life. lets swing to the other side...get a degree in liberal arts, go out, work in marketing. i fear i become restricted and very possibly shallow. How about administration, civil service...contributing to utility and being of useful benefit to the functions of society. can? of course can do that...sure..admin..make sure things are done..make sure plans are executed, maybe some day be the one writing the policies. but wah...i'm ultra sian of that. i know i would probably be able to do it...but then again feel very bogged down and conform to the stereotype of thinking that so easily takes over the sgp civil service.

u know what id love. id love to stay amongst a tribe in Mongolia, experience and study their culture, traditions, practices, social structure, analyze it, pick out trends across communities and understand societal living..especially in these enclosed remote distant societies. Whether this is premature, i dont know, but i dont want to give into the standard unpassionate stereotype before finding out.

hope it develops more clearly over the next few years..i suppose we do have the luxury of some time in NS....sigh. Goodnight.

capturing the expressions of stage- happy portraits

2007-03-23T06:29:00.000-07:00

i'm always hesitant about accepting and displaying photos that arent quite there. thing is i cant make up my mind about this black and white one. 'interesting', i shall call it...but it wouldnt work if it was blown up. the blurred asher takes up too much of the frame..and the angle doesnt reveal enough of the rest of the cast. was planning to run up at the last part and shoot the cast taking a bow with elated expressions as they reveled in the applause..Unfortunately...i wasnt prepared, brought the wrong lens down, shot with the wrong settings...and shot from the wrong angle. but oh well...have to find something else for the school mag 'achievements' divider i guess..thought i'd add another spin to it rather than the usual trophy carrying sportsman. Although thats always the back up and ac needs some old time sentiments of sports heroism to be revived.

electrician luke emerges from his shrine at the back of class..which is aptly known as the 'distribution board'.

i think ive been at the start of learning some important life lessons lately.

Operation vs reflection

Power vs leadership

of course i havent had much time to think about them..with ee tok world lit and ias all coming down upon us.plus the three books that i have not read(im a very slow reader).and math portfolio starting next week. but i do hope i'll learn something soon..and not give in to amoral and narrow minded but sharp/efficient pragmatism.

hans needs to sleep to play tennis tomorrow. how strange it is that im still competing and training...after all that about work. but sigh..oh well. i am hitting rather comfortably..and smoothly...which is pleasing. take some time off to relax..its good.

AAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGH

2007-03-14T11:33:00.000-07:00

hans u idiot...say until like that for what.
do ee until like that for what.
just want to save one point, then restructure half my essay 3 times.
then now after restructuring, i realized it doesnt work and i cant remember my original stand.
or now i feel that my original stand is too simplistic.
AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGH.

and wah i do feel a bit bad that im arguing or asserting historical truth based on convenience rather than...trying to find out truth in itself. first i say its the ideology's fault. then i say its the constitution's fault. then i say its the president's interpretation of the constitution. and now im back at saying its the constitution.

actually saying that its the constitution's fault is the easiest. but just to save one contrary point...i went on one biiiig round to try and justify it. aaaaaaargggh...its now 2.46 am and im mighty peeved.

tomorrow must do tok somemore. see la see la. play fifa somemore. i should have gone on this wild Hindenburg chase earlier in the afternoon. Then i would have realized it was useless by evening. then by 2.50am i would have finished typing out my view of why the stupid constitution did not facilitate liberal democracy, must be viewed independent from the ideology, and thus the CONSTITUTION SHOULD BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FAILURE AND NOT THE IDEOLOGY OF LIBERAL DEMOCRACY.

gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. there i have it. online. at least. so if my mind dies and all my papers dissolve at least its still online. see la, even after typing that out i have re considerations of whether that stand is correct. but dont care already...its a truth of convenience! not fact! these darn historians believe otherwise....but..hopefully...my unaccredited stand can be justified.

oh oh dont forget to add in the intention of those strangely undemocratic clauses...that the intention was reserve some right to the president, so as to prevent instability, just that it was taken to extremes and democracy became disregarded through it..soon to be replaced by autocracy.

gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. i need some clarity. tomorrow. and i need some time. before and after maths..and after heart checkup and before training..and then friday also...meeting in the morning. walao eh.

see la see la, play fifa somemore.
that darn tok haunts me as well as i begin to hate everything philosophical. intellectual quest and discovery for what. damn sian already.
like dr vivian balakrishnan said, 'i am a practical person'...or something like that. Life demands so much more out of you than to sit down and mull over foregone conclusions. give me something new, something fresh, something that i have not thought about or realized and i shall think about it.

i love my ultra bad english.
this tok haunts me. and the ee wild goose chase..at least i think i know what to do for it tmr....but tok and world lit...
garh.
all needs to be settled by march!

see la..see la...play fifa somemore. sleep in the afternoon somemore. stupid idiot.

London goes abstract, part 2

2007-03-12T07:13:00.000-07:00

There are these really cool slides that start from different levels inside the tate modern (british modern art museum) and send u slinking all the way to the bottom floor. so strange these brits are, but it looked very enjoyable all the same. I find it sometimes quite vexing to walk through these museums because I cant comprehend half of the modern movements. Its almost like you're assaulted at every other exhibit, and sometimes you just cant accept what they tell you is art. These darn deconstructionists, always eroding away what people like to hold true. I mean they serve a beneficial cause of challenging the widely accepted norms and preventing these conventionalists from getting too comfortable and arrogant...but to have it at extremes..and to have a whole powerplant sized museum full of them!

Anyway, as for the slides, I bet moonie would be most thrilled if she were to see them.

look at all these people moving.

where are you going?

i also dunno.

london goes abstract

2007-03-11T01:04:00.000-08:00

hoohoo..i found an interesting photo amongst the supposed rejects of my london pile.

If you were to analyze it...you might realize that:
The only coloured people in the photo are the little girl and the young eurasian-middle eastern looking brit with the green beanie. The rest are just black backs facing the train. Was made to experiment with motion and interesting lighting for the first time, although this was probably a lucky shot. Anyway I like it for the deliberate colour saturation, the sharpening, and the slight blur of the faceless individuals. Everyone is an individual except for the pair in the foreground. The pair even has a unique relationship from the rest, adding a more affectionate dimension to the faceless photo. Speaking about faces, Everyone's face is not seen except for the middle eastern fellar's. Everyone has no colour on their clothes except for the girl and that same guy, drawing the immediate visual connection between the two. And if you look at the full sized version, hes looking straight at the girl who rests comfortably on her father's arm, drawing the second connection of interest between the two. But beware little girl! Of the never full integrated young secretly radical middle eastern British youngster. Ok i shall not proceed to malign this individual further based on popular stereoptypes of the press. After all, the immigration officers did find my cousin and i suspicious as well(just because we're chinese), and asked my cousin the same set of questions twice, probably trying to spot discrepancies in the responses.

On another recent note, I havent been a fan of over editing for the purposes of art, but after seeing this italian dude on flickr, i have been slightly swayed. He probably edits his photos quite a bit, but they capture and express so much, very artistic. And somehow, i keep feeling that you can only capture such sentiments in Euroland, knowing that if the photo was taken in singapore, it would express the usual angst of an agitated parent holding her child back from the train doors. Here its just watching, waiting, moving. Always wanted to do a series, wish it could be bigger on blogger though.hmm.

As for more personal news, i realize that my latest motto is

"operation is key".

Figure out how to operate and position yourself/fellow co-workers through the day first, then think and feel after that.
oh well independent schools conference tomorrow, and yes we have duty for it. i dont think we have enough people..but oh well i hope i dont get scolded for it.

lizards, bunnies, and other animals

2007-02-21T06:46:00.000-08:00

i leave my exam schedule open on the table
and return to find that a lizard has taken a dump on it .
i then strive to believe that the occurence is a symbolic one,
wrought with foreshadowing
and that the greek gods are trying to tell me something.
that the examinations, after being littered upon by the heavens,
would suddenly devalue
and assume the same dried brown undersirable state.
but maybe the kings of literature and destiny itself
are plotting a certain downfall
with the tools of this self fulfilling prophecy.
.
.
.
.
.
choi

a...natural realization..yes.

2007-02-19T08:02:00.000-08:00

i have just realized that i am a bum.

the harsh reality is that i am no where near the dream of supreme man of society, with 5 CCAs, astounding examination scores, PSC scholarship interviews lined up and ivy league university acceptance. and of all the times to realize it, i suppose the best time is now, when theres still some time left in the school year.

All this talk about universities and scholarships may seem a little premature, but the reality is that the delusion of these things coming naturally due to some hidden force of wit, charm and supreme intelligence that is supposed to govern my life is sadly...just a delusion. Somehow, seeing it happen so naturally for others has implanted in my mind the image of it occurring as a normal progression for me as well. But at the back of my mind, i always knew, with anxiety in my heart, that i wasnt quite there. Or at least i wasnt one of those bright frumps that these things seem to occur so easily to. But wait, then again, maybe im just being a bum. Maybe these fellars actually work their butts off to get to where they are.

You see, i always thought these Vronskys (minus the bad character traits, and may your impression of him not surpass page 135 as i have only read till there=X) just popped out of no where. i would like to meet them one day, and truly realize for myself that it is not the smarts and charm that run these fellars, but a disposition of maturity, humility and good character that has brought them to that point. I suppose that needs to be developed, slowly, and possibly realizing ones own delusion is a good first step. So sad case right, i cant believe that i actually seriously thought myself to be a humanities virtuoso(of course with the usual anxiety in knowing that it wasnt true, it occured mostly when i tried to defend my flailing chemistry and math results). so if im not a humanities virtuoso, why do i like the subjects? maybe its because i cant do the scientific method for nuts. i just cannot reason according to science in an organized and methodical manner, especially when it comes to pracs...i have no interests in computers and hate any updates in programmes, and...talking nonsense on a poem seems so much more fun. whether im good at it...is another thing...and so...this equates me to being a bum. Un-hardworking, having no regard for anything scientific(although i do realize its importance, not like that redeems my inability), and at the same time i still dont do well with what liberal, abstract and sometimes flimsy subjects i take. maybe my involvement in many ccas would redeem me. but no..i have come to realize, that as many vronsky's as there are that seem to pop out of no where, there are equally as many overly involved, think theyre successful, sportsmen photographer leaders who dont do well in the end. thats quite the other imbalanced persona that i may quickly assume...which is as u know..bad.

And so as i enter my last stage of fantasy, that of the possible overseas university education, i picture this hard pressed ideal of green lawns, autumn air and the ability to read a book and access internet under a tree, that sits comfortably next to a victorian looking school building. (i have been looking through my cousins brown and princeton photos, part of the perpetrators of this overly romanticized easy journey). But then, i figure, i should stop harping on this hopeful dream, and perhaps just work my butt towards it, although the conviction has soon to be developed. I just do hope, that the quest for discovery and learning that i once had, that is now maybe masked by this forced over romanticism and social pressures, or jaded by lousy programmes or the sometimes bitterness of life in general, would someday return, as i try to find the underlying current that governs my life.

but perhaps, at the present moment, its just more or less good to know that i am not that good, over achieving successful frump that i would like to make myself out to be..this..i suppose everyone who knows me knows...and so i dont know why i wanted to kid myself. Must be the social pressures. But then ultimately the cure and remedy to this is to attain my joyous and natural disposition towards life. That natural and joyous disposition to life that comes from an internal decision made of what i want to do. From this, my dong shi-ness(maturity) and hardworking desires should naturally develop. i just hope the jaded slightly cynical but very operational pragmatist doesnt kick in half way...i guess thats what happened early this year when the treacheries of council life began once more. i think it was week 4. yes week 4. i had a brilliant first 3 weeks. hoho. and yes...so now go..and try and lead a well balanced life. i forsee a new realization coming soon, that i would have to reconcile the arm of heavy pragmatism and a resolved outlook towards life soon....but i shall leave it to another day. so...sleep then. how fast these days pass..but i realize...a few days of break churns out good thinking.

i realize today i am quite honest with myself...which is not bad.

to cousins dear, CNY from home

2007-02-18T09:51:00.000-08:00

Its chinese new year, and half of them are in far away lands. Theyre gathered in new york in andrews dorm i hear, cooking up a mini feast. How cool is that, all 5 of them travelling down from whatever state theyre studying in to congregate in NY. Of course the oldest is still stuck in london..but i hope things are cool there too:-) . But cousins! if u want photos from home...ask! so dratty that by the time i get out of NS all of u will be gone...unless of course u decide to do ur masters there...or stay there and work=P hahaha.

i actually slept through most of today...so stupid...missed quite a bit of people coming over, although this years chinese new year seemed kinda muted with people coming strangely later than usual. i didnt even see some of the regular family members. The one who amanda calls smokey joe..or the complete trio of naughty men. But oh well, still did manage to catch a couple of interesting photos..although i think im getting lazy and relying on photoshop too much to cure my technical incompetence.

i worry about school at the same time. its getting quite stressful, taxing..i hate checking my email for fear of some latest development that needs some response to. If it isnt a project from council that needs to be checked on, then its the probably very valuable anna karenina lecture that clashes with YLS briefing this friday...not forgetting the TOK draft that i need to redo, and my EE restructuring. and the looming maths investigation and test. and the history essay, and 2 physics IAs, and two world lit assignments. and many many books to finish reading. and the entertainment that i so desperately seek to enhance and validate my existence.

i wonder what im still doing up. i keep doing the stupidest things, like staying up till 3 yesterday. i think its been so long, that ive forgotten what its like to want to stay up to talk to someone interesting. maybe letting loose and giving in might work...for once..

oh well...happy cousins...i hope ure not too stressed where ever u are...whether ure in beautiful but crazy princeton(i saw the photos in ur brothers cam)...or joyous land brown..central st.martins, vassar or boston...or unknown engineering land cornell....God bless! see u soon i hope!

today i know about idiots

2007-02-08T17:59:00.000-08:00

idiots who are not very intelligent
relegate you to the same standard,
remove all forms of rational thinking
and jade you with multi coloured outfits.

'it all depends' as remarked,
at every given lesson.
critical analysis is judged by the number of examples one gives,
or the number of accurate citations,
goodness, come let us be merry,
and destroy all our thinking

come let us be merry,
and destroy all our thinking

sleep sleep..just sleep...

2007-02-02T06:08:00.000-08:00

alamak. please dont say until like that. im not going to shoot myself in the foot. there is still time for effective execution.

all i have to say is.....

imagine not needing to decipher intention from quality of the fact.

the world would be a much simpler place

and the mysteries of teaching and learning, would be in its proper, upright, moral, selfless right.

on another note, i did see sam yesterday with a whole bunch of others, before being chased out by the nurse that insisted he get some rest...it was great seeing him, and i felt glad as well, coz he really looked quite good..standing up, laughing and talking to all of us. Praise God.
lets pray for a speedy recovery for him,and that the Lord may be with Him throughout all the treatment.

then again, besides my dratty week..i suppose some people have been very encouraging and i really quite appreciate it..i feel bad though, that sometimes we arent able to do things that are really applicable to them, and yet they encourage us...i wonder if its because theyre just really nice people. but thanks for the support guys.

imagine school life without all this. i think i would be relieved. happy

but maybe less experienced to the kind of people out there.

killer of the meaningful experience

2007-01-26T08:20:00.000-08:00

i dont know man.

picking truth from an unstable lousy pile.

im not very stable now.

few can understand

2007-01-07T05:53:00.000-08:00

Thought for the Day: "The clever, the witty, the brilliant girl,there are few who can understand.But Oh! For the wise, loving home girls,there's a constant, steady demand."---J. H. Gray.

i got that off someone's blog...but i'd beg to differ.

hello hello

2006-12-28T15:59:00.000-08:00

ah yes....my london photos are finally ready...messed up internet connection and not knowing how to convert raw files are over.. http://www.flickr.com/photos/23469236@N00/sets/72157594445266507/show/
be sure to look out for the chinese boy at his graduation who has his mother adjusting his hat before a photo..hehe..very typically chinese. oh well..off to meeting now! good luck to my fantastic EE and tok....nice 4000 words left. (both added together). can la can la..framework quite clear already....i come back and do.

walking along the streets of london

2006-12-27T10:55:00.000-08:00

and hey...its LSE! and its their graduation! ah...i like people watching...plus it was perfectly legal to carry a big ass camera there and shoot cause i looked like another proud family member in the crowd of graduates.

my cousin and i were kidding that now we can put that we've shot at the LSE graduation in our portfolio=X

hoho..the wicked witch of the west

2006-12-25T10:59:00.000-08:00

yes the fog was so bad at heathrow that u could stare straight into the sun...as a picture will soon show,...and visibility was as bad as 50m. oh well its 4am! i think jet-lag is just an excuse to stay up...went to visit my cousin just now=) oh well happy happy. dont feel like waking up for lunch tomorrow.

"no good deed goes unpinished"

nice powerful lyrics;)

waiting for her turn

2006-12-24T10:34:00.000-08:00

a father and his daughter watch the carousel
and i like watching the leaves =D

Merry Christmas!

oh oh and apologies if ur comments havent been appearing...i left it on some strange setting and they can hopefully now appear..bloggers and non bloggers alike. and whos OS? thanks for correcting my terrible engrish=X i didnt know how to spell carousel either..haha.yes...and the grain is very jea lat. cya!

hello from london

2006-12-18T02:49:00.000-08:00

the urban city landscape

i realized i havent been able to write, think, reason or feel properly for quite awhile...when it comes..when it comes..

once upon a time in mexic..i mean malaysia

2006-12-03T07:26:00.000-08:00

there lay a floating fish farm. and in the fish pen swam a fish on its side. and together with the fish swimming on its side lay some cigarette stubs.

and so we had carcinogenic fish for lunch.

nah it wasnt that bad. very nice company. the kid in the picture was actually really funny. i think he wanted to get a point across to his parents, so he ran off to the other end of the farm, pretended to pout and stare into the distance for a grand total of 10 seconds, then ran back with a grin.

i guess that was not so nostalgic, not so panoramic, fishy malaysia.

pfft, more tests

2006-12-01T08:34:00.000-08:00

thinking about some things, reflections

2006-11-21T06:25:00.000-08:00

tranquil, azure blue waters,

only to be shattered as tzen goes wild at the wheel

while shiv,

with wind in his hair and a smile on his face , strangely arrives at atman. if u dunno what atman is...go read your siddharta. tzen and elsa are tzena and elsa
and the guys are guys..and love a boat to themselves.

well here are a few things to consider, as i evolve into the cold hard administrator that i sought never to become. i think certain happenings this year have caused me to arrive at this state. pvc, who wants to think about that, but hey hey, the very warped programme helped me understand how to deal with these kind of people who we're bound to meet in the future. i can so imagine the...'empowered' fanatical overly enthusiastic ever willing to practice their life skills lessons male/female in the work place. i think whats interesting to note was my reaction to pvc this year, as a student, as a thinking human,as a feeling human, and as vice president.

i think since then, the way i view work, has become a little bit more task oriented, ever analytical, abit more harsh and sparing less time for other thought. i think thats a product of the pvc episode which had us subject to strange teachings that one cannot agree with and subsequently having to deal with handling and getting these people out.

i think thinking through this will help me understand myself better too.

i guess i reacted in such a way because i couldnt stand theyre nature of imposition, the content of the imposition which we all couldnt agree with, and the fact that they demanded a response of commitment. plus all the emotional twisting and turning that happened throughout. so in a sense, it was time to hit back, i would not let someone impose their views on me, forcing us to believe what they believe with some emotional manipulative crap. if sometimes cold hard administration was best and was what was needed to get them out of our system, then sure thing. the mind of the administrator was, understand and believe that what was best was to get them out, so make sure it happens.

but i think that probably stemmed from something deeper as well. there was a strange sense of protectionism towards people u care about and not letting their imposition get any further, thats when the harsh curtness in dealing with them kicked in. when you and the people u care about are assaulted, thats the time to step in, and step up. so the curt intolerance was necessary, i mean yeah i do feel bad about the implications it had on that lady, but it was necessary, and i guess the severity outweighed the care and concern sometimes.....i think...and i think as i calm down and try to look at it from the larger picture, you cant keep letting people like that have a hold on you. you must let them go, of course i wish the manner neednt have been like that, but we were already too much absorbed by them that the reply couldnt just have been a 'sorry, but no'. yes sure i feel bad sometimes. at other times glad that we exerted power in such a way. other times wondering whether this decrease in tolerance and to the point-ness in the way i view work is correct, as i walk down my path to becoming and administrator.

who says ive got to end up as an unfeeling administrator. maybe thats just a temporary stop....and i learn to become a feeling administrator after that..which knows the ground...i dont know...maybe when im 55...and grey haired with sharp spectacles.

well, from wanting to sleep early, to wanting to blog about my strange discoveries of my relatively new attitude towards people and work, i have arrived at mostly talking about the learning curve of the pvc episode. one day, i shall evaluate the moral struggles of such a cold hard administrator, and whether such a path is right. does right dictate best? hmmm maybe, i dont know.

it is better to be strong and wrong, than right and weak. said bill clinton once.

there is no right or wrong, there is only a yes. says my interpretation of mr warped man's philosophy.

'however the lack of wrong or right does not remove the irrefutable fact that you have been put through an eye opener to uglyness, whether the uglyness is justifiable or not.

said hans once, on a completely different subject.

think about it...life, or the human condition and what we subject ourselves to is so complicated, that right may not mean best, and beauty or the lack of it is in a completely different realm from moral dilemma but yet seems so closely linked. and of course,ugly is never always equal to wrong. what then is correct? what then is good, necessary, right, fulfilling? and finally...which one do you want? something to think about..

to a great friend and teacher, the cultured man...haha

2006-11-19T09:33:00.000-08:00

If you take a look around his book shelves, u'd realize that everything is either about cooking, art, philosophy, chinese philosophy or visual design. on one of the shelves theres even a picture of his former jamaican looking colleague and her son. i think what i learnt from him was a world view, a perception that was constantly accepting, in allowance,questioning, in search of something, knowing that the soul needed to be developed, needed to have some form of freedom...and its always fun to meet someone like that. and yes the attachment of a good friend, great company, very funny episodes and nice talks would always be remembered..so...all the best tham! hope u find great happiness in ny! take care and God bless....and dont forget to invite us back for christmas. =)

and so about school. i think we're moving at too fast a pace. its quite upsetting sometimes, taxing to say the least. but thats where we're heading i guess. of course this one was a long time coming, but thats in another direction. life sometimes seems so planned for us. the framework, the grid is already outlined infront for us to follow. i dont quite agree with it sometimes...but what to do? the good thing about these grids however, is that most of the time theyre very broad, so on the ground level u could have some space to readjust certain elements to suit your liking. of course the real track is still too fast, and we end up getting dragged and swept along at the same time. sigh, one more year of mixed feelings about the school i guess. i think in the end the positives outweigh that which is negative. hopefully we can have a good talk about direction some time soon...and make the best out of our small grid, at least make it something to remember, meaningful, and worth while. not just party organizers, lets get down to business.

last thing on my mind today. heard so much of the bickering...each..without any prior knowledge would have been immense un-credible bitching. sigh i guess i didnt fit the personality. whats more, the additional outlooks on life,on council, were sometimes stressful, sometimes pissing off...sometimes terribly dissapointing..sometimes worrying..sometimes scary. selfish, i think so, im wondering if its on my part too. what to do? work from here, remember and enjoy the good times. dont care about the rest...and have good friends...who are far and few between.

You give me an answer, God

2006-11-14T18:43:00.000-08:00

and he sat on the steps thinking
realizing that he was quite reclused.
knowing that there was only one thing in the world he wanted to do
which was to walk slowly through this open field
dotted with purple flowers,
slightly dried, slightly thistled,
with the mountains in the distance.

its nearing winter, and the air is drying
its getting bleak,
but the sky stretches out,
with masses of clouds above, in a huge swirl.
and then you're on your own,
trudging through, with a blue jacket, camera in hand
sling bag on shoulder.

he also knows why hes reclused.
sometimes things are a little too hard to revisit.
its hard to arrive at any other disposition
when theres no solution
and the hardest point in your life hasnt been what other people subject you to,
but things sometimes God cant seem to answer
of course i asked why, i still ask why, sometimes.
but can you reach any other nature?
give me an answer first, or anything i see,
seems somewhat bleak. i dont try, it happens.
when it happened to my uncle this year,
it brought it back. i mean how else could you see things?
until i get an answer.
until i get an answer.

common sense thoughts that i never wrote down

2006-11-11T03:24:00.000-08:00

For those of you who have heard We Didn't Start The Fire by Billy Joel..i wonder what he was thinking when he wrote it. but hey hey..heres one brought to you by hossan leong..and we certainly know what hes thinking about. heh i know im quite slow in viewing it..but for all you who are equally slow...heres a good laugh. .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myqyKZsknmw

It is interesting kind of humor a centrally managed state gives rise to, considering that such a sentiment has become a big laughing point in local performances. what then caught my attention was how such a surpressive personality echoes heavily with the clamping down on blogs, protest venues, election periods, yet seem completely absent from the arts scene.

i mean thats a great thing, but theres got to be an explanation for it. the first time i attended a performance and heard these political jokes i had a good time but was rather surprised. it seemed that the lack of allowance that we subject ourselves to in the working/education world was inconsistent with that in the theatre. I guess its because you've got to give a certain degree of allowance in the unimportant areas while clamping down in more important areas which grant you a greater depth of control.Also, if we we'rent allowed to make political jokes in the arts scene people would just shrivel up and die from a severe severe inability to express. small avenues aid in the veil of acceptance. perhaps even let the system be laughed at to keep your slightly apathetic upper stratum audience satisfied. This group knows the surpression exists, but is probably self reliant and successful enough to not care. the collective identity of making money also keeps them satisfied and detached from political affairs, so as long as those needs are met, noone complains loud enough.

Central command can then be worked out efficiently, bringing the state to prosperity and stability.i dont think those seemingly positive effects can be denied...and after all, that is the ultimately vision. nice strategy eh..but whats lost in exchange? a people's culture. we have a top down directive, but we have no culture belonging to the citizen. the liberty to speak ones mind, the attitude of the bold outspoken creative, unconventional citizen is never created. and so top down initiatives are what our culture shall be.

the question then is, is this exchange a worth while one? the philosophy of progression and prosperity through central command versus the freedom of people's beings through the pluralistic liberalism of state control. the bargain, the trade off. this is probably the core difference in ideology, which manifests itself in complaints of why our government disallows so many practices. so the trade off, is it worth while?

central command may not be that bad...
after all, i have believed in being a bolshevik since sec 3....and based on personal ideology....i honestly found lenin's politburo exciting...but to have someone else do it on u...now thats different...but i guess now..its still more than livable.

woah..check out this fellar

2006-11-07T08:07:00.000-08:00

http://forums.clubsnap.org/showthread.php?t=234409
http://willowsblower.blogspot.com/ (blog of the guy who took the shots in first link..hope he doesnt mind..heh)

This guy just has great sports and nature shots, fantastic skill and amazing composition. He must be super seasoned...heh..nice character in his photos too.

http://www.thesartorialist.blogspot.com/

the author of this site travels round big cities like New York, Paris,London, taking pictures of people who he thinks dress well..and...if im not wrong was spotted by vogue magazine and now shoots for them. He's made quite a name for himself. some good stuff man. Its quite a mood lifter, updates very frequently and checking out what fashionable people he shoots is really interesting... I have it bookmarked!

and...
http://singaporesnakes.blogspot.com/
these fellars shoot snakes. Maybe technically not as good all the time but i bet its really hard. Dont think you'd quite enjoy it if you hate snakes.

oh well..sports photography and nature when taken well can be really really nice. but the technical skill, equipment and of course composition have got to be really top notch. gah..wish i could shoot like that, amazing stuff...i have a feeling mrs elaine lee's nature photography is really pro as well. oh well have fun viewing!

I've figured out why i dont like shooting in singapore

2006-11-02T09:43:00.000-08:00

it feels so stifling shooting here!

When u capture photos you're looking to bring out a certain theme, event or feeling that the place gives you. You're trying to play on it, naturally or manipulatively in order to achieve your desired feel. Thats scenario one, when you kinda understand the place you're in and you're thinking about your shots. This happens most of the time when you're shooting for events, performances, parties, where shooting is very deliberate..the feel is already probably there and you're just trying to capture it. Thats where the skill and technical comes in..haha.Cambodia this year was exactly like that. i had in mind what i wanted to shoot, had no idea how to use an slr, went for the trip with my uncles 350d, shot everything in manual but absolutely loved it. Of course the editting after that was hell, considering that almost every single shot was over exposed. Even until now i dont know how to meter properly, and yes so my technical sucks, but thats not the heart of photography! i try to defend myself against the rampant bombardments of techies john and zong jie.

Scenario two is when you walk into a place with no prior assumptions, and you're open to shooting whatever catches your eye...which is often very good cause you enter open minded..But of course as you begin to spend more time in the place and if you enjoy it, scenario one naturally develops sub consciously, and u joyfully gallop through that town/city/countryside and just love shooting in that place. You're not thinking too much, you're exploring the new sights but when something catches your eye, you go in and frame the shot. thats very enjoyable=) That was perth in June, first trip on my d70s, din quite know what to expect besides nature and nice vineyards and azure blue seas, actually thats pretty much everything...but the place was nasty beautiful. even in 'winter'.(place, not trip..good photography trip..but normal dont like some people holiday)

and so...back to the point of why i dont like shooting in singapore. As i mentioned when u shoot, u look for a feeling to capture, you do this either consciously or if ure enjoying yourself so much u dont even know ure looking for those good shots. and sad to say, shooting in singapore captures no feeling. or rather it captures the culture- of no culture. of iron steel buildings, unfeeling, with the random religious festive activity. shenton way shenton way. little india little india. cliché of clichés! there is no singaporean feel that i am proud of or can enjoy. and so it just doesnt come out in photos.Even our poetry is a reflection of our lack of culture. gerh 'no other city'. Exact same story. And so i've figured that enjoyment appears in the sub communities, family, close friends, entertaining events. These are nice to shoot. But in terms of the national identity? naah....i dont want to go to boat quay and capture the brown statues of boys jumping into the river. or of shenton way. eh?

of course this isnt to say that u cant capture good photos in singapore, i've seen some amazing shots of little india from some really talented guys. And in a sense to me thats more out of art sake, theyre just really really good. maybe the feel u get from the teh and curry man can be quite interesting, but that still a very isolated case. very individualized, to capture the identity of that man and his store, that character, but other than that, i dont see anything in singapore that is worth shooting.

so anyway, yes i dont like shooting along our streets. very boring. dont like the feeling it evokes, the singaporean feel. so suck. oh well..so late already...have to wake up at 7 to go back to school and hand up report book -.- and its 3.20 now. and yes theres still a tennis party to plan with some people not responding as fast as what would be greatly appreciated. which is just ass irritating.....but nvm..thats for tomorrow to worry about. gah..holiday..and life is stressful. im ignoring the cynical bitter and pissed off part. sounds so happy.

fun with wide angles

2006-10-30T07:57:00.000-08:00

Taken with sigma 10-20mm

Rather humorous...but terribly terribly unflattering.hehe. Elongate, stretch, warp. With the exception of lee mey, we all look like tarts.

I opened my english A1 handbook to plan for some holiday reading and revision, and i was met by an emotionally charged ' we are the pioneers of the program' quote.

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost

How do u know frost wasnt mucking around and didnt end up tumbling down a steep cliff and get mauled by tooth edged rocks with gravel gashes and twisted ligaments. Well meet the differing reality that i never knew quite existed.

"Six roads diverged in a wood, and she- dug a
daggered pit in every one of them,
before i- took the road with deceptive manipulation,
and that has given me all the shit."

=D haha..i just had to show this

2006-10-29T01:21:00.000-08:00

sorry man..hahahaha..dug out from the hidden stash of incriminating sec2 photos...i took three times to upload this photo...evidently some dark forces must be working against me.

can there be anything deeper in mankind than the conviction of humanity?

2006-10-13T09:09:00.000-07:00

I ask this question not because I want to glorify the appreciation of humanity as a deep,wondrous and universally unifying beauty but rather because it seems almost shallow that this is the greatest extent by which man can impose an ultimate judgement. To set things in context, I just watched a two hour nat geo special on the Nuremberg Trials which focused largely on Herman Goering. This, coupled with the events of the last few days have opened up avenues for the fallible ideas of good intentions,belief,mental and emotional conviction and universal well being- qualities which we, similar to those who planned to partake in administering the good of mankind in the Nuremberg laws hopefully began and continued to a degree with.

Maybe what has caused this assesment is the fact that truth of the situation, which stems from the constant of good intentions seems to alter as we travel back and forth, meaning that despite the common desire of good intention and success, the truth of reality is constantly changed and evnvisioned differently after each conversation, after each meeting. And one cannot help but wonder whether it is a sheet that is being pulled over ones eyes through emotional talking, frustration, arrogance of personality, seemingly sensible reasoning mingled with certain degrees of truth that one's conviction of envisionment changes. The last line to truth and reality is the underlying trait of humanity and good intentions, that is the deepest avenue of intellectual opposition and even that can be faltered.

So what is the reality of it, what is the truth? As someone once asked, " what if you're being bought into this? what if it is not true? what if we are being played?" to add onto that, " what if your basic good intentions are there but your envisionment of reality is being altered to suit a cause, a personality? a flaw of the individual?" a sheet over your eyes to view truth. I find myself having to continuously convince myself on what is truth. What i hear, cannot be trusted, as shown through personality. The lack of sincerity and personal pride which comes across in a manner most lacking of service and humility cannot be trusted. Perhaps revealed through inconsistencies, smooth talking and opportunistic decisions, agendas and beliefs, is a more complete analysis, resulting in the lack of the ability to trust. Sure, perhaps there is heart, but heart mixed with law and politics is never a good combination. My answer to the asker of the above question was then " if that is so, the three of us are the biggest fools, followed by you and the leadership, and then the rest of the body."

As someone else once said, perhaps even that of a teacher, " you cannot expect your students to be so well educated and not think for themselves, and then to not become anti establishment." It is the same principle as educate your masses and you will have an intelligent uprising. Ultimately, I am here only to share my discontentment, my struggles, assesments, and most of all, to express my dissapointment that this, the conviction brought about by the good intentions of humanity, is the strongest deepest commonality of mankind. And yet, despite this apparent depth of evaluation, it is more a weakness due to its limit, than a beneficial depth. A realization and dissapointment, as for that, in essence is a great inability. Yesterday i speak from observation, today i speak from the experience, tomorrow i speak from the reality. This is perhaps the reality of the working world, and to some extent as yet another person once said, I am glad that i experience it now. But i certainly, do not want to become like that. Good intentions, law and politics never go.

its swept from under your feet..and ure falling..and falling..and falling..

2006-10-11T07:43:00.000-07:00

dry, snappy, drained, faggoted, is how you react to emotional blackmail. very intense. it is also how u behave after a huge blow has taken a chunk out of you and the battle between the right and the left seems never ending. ACT ACT OPERATE OPERATE BEHAVE BEHAVE. lets go, move move this is the task TO THE POINT FOCUSED FOCUSED i remember what happened yesterday but operate operate. it needs to be dealt with. wohoo. operate operate fix fix.

fix fix move move. tell tell. talk talk. know know. understand understand. damage control damage control. no please please. stay stay. understand understand. time time. lets go lets go. see see. friday friday. wohoo.

i think only arthur will understand this post.

Ms Chock for the win! pei fu pei fu. respect respect. so understanding understanding. sensitive sensitive. people people.

dunno whether i'll be singing the same tune after results come back. very condemn..if get called up..probably? probably... but of course that doesnt change the character of the person..still respect..but i wont feel so good i think....more because i'll feel uneasy.....and i dont want to dissapoint people..han sheng! cannot..this is not acceptable...oh dear...wah i feel so bad. this is the unvoiced subconscious dilemma. why doesnt his results match the demanor? can talk and think why cannot do well? but from my point of view...still...respect respect..fond fond.
bleagh bleagh. wohoo. tomorrow is a new day.

a good leader is one who picks it all up and focuses on the next day. give myself time but when tomorrow comes. we'll approach it anew ready to lead.

wohooo...

2006-10-08T04:03:00.000-07:00

dream shopping list

1. Nikkor 12-24mm (long time more...when i start working maybe..heh)
2. Nikkor 70-200mm f2.8 VR or....Sigma 70-200 (no money and more realistic alternative)
3. i dunno if a macro lens is worth it...or sigma now has the 70-200 f2.8 macro...havent checked it out though.

very plausible stuff :
1. polarizer (should wait and get one for the 12-24...but might probably get one for my 18-70)
2. cheap light solid tripid...eep..
3. warming/orange filter to fix my nikons bluish problem..is there another way? grrr
4. remote shutter release
5. camera back pack
6. another extra battery..i lost my first
6. ring flash for macro..depending on the price..the first 5 adds up to about...$480....eeep....sigma lens $1400....supposed to save half of it on my own....and so i need to sell of my 70-300mm!

the contrived artificial superficiality..fake one...

2006-10-06T02:02:00.000-07:00

i realize that indoor macro photography without a ring flash is really not easy. i also realize that i am quite bitter. and very cynical...right now at least...i know it hardly surfaces..because it is hard to deal with..but beneath all the stupid jokes and contrived expressions i am not at ease. i am discontent about the lack of answers i am getting..when left to yourself without the jokes, the discontentment surfaces.but when u ignore it...experience just piles ontop of it daily..the pile then gets higher and higher and u slowly forget it..and then you cant be yourself because being yourself means being discontent and upset. but that means its not fully dealt with. and then you come to the conclusion that the predominant experience in life isnt the moral dilemma of right or wrong, but the experience of ugliness. this is the reality of life as seen and understood.

pft

2006-09-29T06:36:00.000-07:00

i only want to take 4 subjects...very condemn...and this is one of them. 6 6 6 6 3 3...wah i wish ah. pft.

old soul

2006-09-24T04:11:00.000-07:00

just like the line "have u been a judas to your brother?"
can be translated as, "have you been a traitor?"

so can " have you been a seys-inquart" be read as:

" Have you been a government official in the opposing country waiting for your chancellor to bully the opposing country's chancellor into resignation before you willingly invite your country's troops to enter and take over the opposing country without opposition?"

similarly,
'lines planes and vectors' can be read as:
'turd pile on floor'

seys-inquart for the win

the little us's

2006-09-21T08:18:00.000-07:00

Daniel

Photographer's number one crime, I didn't focus on the eyes when shooting a portrait with a small depth of field. The enlarged version doesn't have them too sharp. heh...

Katelyn
Daniel..again
Timothy

The little us's. The new, equally good looking close gang of smiling affectionate people. Ready to be swung into the orbit of catching,sneaker in the dark, pok pok lao sim and moon cake festival hunts (i wonder if they still have that last one.It was discontinued for us ever since the first cousin went for her O levels..grrr).

What brought these photos together was my uncles passing. Of course i wish that the photos could represent a happier occasion, but i suppose this reemphasizes the meaning of family. Saddened by it? yes very much...and i dont think I can adaquately express the feelings of loss or pain...or the images that cross my mind upon thinking about it. Break down? yes..i think for the first time in awhile, on the third night at the wake. But ultimately, you do realize that family is precious to you, despite the perceptions, feelings of anger, judgement, or disgust that you sometimes hold against them. Sometimes its strange how both can exist at the same time, but you know that most of all, they still love you very much. And its at times like these that you hold through because of family and because of God. As for flashbacks, they came and went, maybe more so for my dad. Its tough yes, but i think its time to attribute more of our hearts to God. To open up and give thanks in times of sorrow. Its time to stop dwelling continuously and asking God for help and clarity without moving. Step out in faith to start claiming on the promises of God, and be assured. i think thats where we lack. The openess of faith to God. Sometimes the human predicament isn't worth dwelling on or experiencing heavily.

Uncles and aunties. It was tiring hearing the crying...watching it, being part of it. More so because it did worsen the pain, and that in itself is tiring...but at least we did it together. So rest, rest in the openess of God's grace and mercy. I think I learn slightly more on how to deal with it each day, as i open up and thank God more and more. Amen.

The LORD bless you and keep you;
the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.
"So they will put my name on the Israelites, and I will bless them."

2006-09-20T06:38:00.001-07:00

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the graveHe rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

the effects of brownian motion...herh herh...

2006-09-16T09:08:00.000-07:00

when the stars go blue

very much my own man?

2006-09-15T04:10:00.000-07:00

I dont think thats quite a good thing. Breakthroughs or break downs in my life have become so foreign that it seems all i think i need is- to go to a good uni, enjoy my pursuit of literature and history (or subjects along those lines) and all will be well. I will then take part in my over romanticized new york archi/journalist/branding career. You know that whole dry intelligent pop culture feel..that is very upbeat, modern and expressive...that would be fun...i almost feel like chasing after it. Actually i do. Alternatively, i could become an academic in the university/ analyst who does journalism part time...all this in a different city where i roam the land and world with my camera. (this is considering...i actually do well in IB and go to a good uni..and then do well enough to become what i want to be...because..getting a phd to lecture...hmm thats not always easy.heh.) After that, i will meet my very humanities based, sensible, humorous and intelligent wife. By intelligent, i hardly mean 88% for a lifetime's worth of chem tests, but rather the ability to analyze with maturity, with a hint of skepticism and humor. Of course the usual blend of an understanding, comforting and caring nature must be present before the astuteness is discovered, but the image of young yuppy success only arrives from the combination of the two. (and the striped shirt, and thick rimmed glasses, and loft apartment..with brick walls and black rims for tall window frames)

More sensibly...as sern put it..she...must just 'know how to think la'.

I'm actually writing this post in two parts, I just got back from church small group and so decided to finish this post up. The above paragraph was written before i left. So..after leaving off on how my wishful post IB education life will turn out, i feel obliged to finish this whimsicle prediction. Before I left for small group, I would have written in a very bitter, sad, placid voice that family, which develops after marriage, would be another round, another generation of internal disagreement, an avenue for extended family self righteousness and more prideful suffering. Not to mention physical ailments that strike someone from the family for no apparent reason. Suffering is suffering la..you cant run away from it. So this was the tone that i had intended to write with. Now after writing it, i feel like sticking with it.

However what I did learn at small group today was that I dont think utter abandonment in routine life is really promoted in my home. Its often, I'm in control first, how should I deal with this situation. Neither is open thanks giving or out loud affirmation of Gods goodness. If God is raised, which is actually quite often, its to do with ministry, philosophy or church. I guess the gentle side is sometimes lacking. The quest to know God deeper is often promoted, but the lacking often lies in the preparation of the heart and the openess, avenue for allowance of God in my life. Ok, to be fair, maybe my dad does tell me to seek God, but sometimes it does seem like a blanket statement and i dont quite understand where its coming from. Sometimes no degree of explanation can replace a heart felt message or the softer side of a Christian's practices. Sometimes thse practices are so important, and are a verbalization of a deeper inner preparation. To be honest, i guess with so much focus being on Christianity and philosopy, much of our conversations are very skeptical. The doubt of miraculous healings. The doubt of spiritual encounters, sometimes ending up very post modernistic and not knowing what to believe. Thus the nature of it, the character is often very task oriented, very philosophical and very analytical. So as I said, yeah, i think I'm too closed when it comes to my daily life, always mainting a look of skepticism when encountering any situation. Theres definitely a lack of trust somewhere around, something that needs to be dealt with quickly. So i guess, what i need is to be more expressive of my faith and practices. They are often sacrificed for the sake of philosophy, my own decisions, or looking stable and sensible. because thats just the way things have been.

So learning learning..a bit more. A bit far from stable or totally resolved still...with my desire to go pursue my own life, versus Gods plan for me. plus alot of other smaller things...oh well..eyes cannot open already..goodnight.

Our virtues are all social

2006-09-08T07:27:00.000-07:00

time to revive an old favourite..take some time to read it if u can..heh=)

Best Society by Philip Larkin

When i was a child, i thought,
Casually, that solitude
Never needed to be sought.
Something everybody had,
Like nakedness, it lay at hand,
Not specially right or specially wrong,
A plentiful and obvious thing
Not at all hard to understand.

Then, after twenty, it became
At once more difficult to get
And more desired-though all the same
More undesireable; for what
You are alone has, to achieve
The rank of fact, to be expressed
In terms of others, or it's just
A compensating make-believe.

Much better stay in company!
To love you must have someone else,
Giving requires a legatee
Good neighbours need whole parishful
Of folk to do it on - in short,
Our virtues are all social; if
Deprived of solitude, you chafe,
It's clear you're not the virtuous sort.

Viciously, then, I lock my door.
The gas-fire breathes. The wind outside
Ushers in evening rain. Once more
Uncontradicting solitude
Supports me on its giant palm;
And like sea-anemone
Or simple snail, there cautiously
Unfolds, emerges, what I am.

hello hello...i'm still alive

2006-09-07T12:22:00.000-07:00

hans goes to little india and takes random sticks in a chinese metal shop.

i think this one looks like a painting

was quite an interesting trip i guess...quite enjoyable till it got hot. then came back and got headache after that. didnt quite get the people shots i wanted.like the priest or people along the street..would have been quite rude to walk up to them and snap..but oh well.

have i been reflecting? no not really. honestly i havent been giving myself time to think.which is quite bad...been filling my days with school school council council taking photos taking photos sleep sleep when i have time.(thats for the past few months).but recreational photog must have its limit i guess...and so..photog shall tone down from today..and i shall go study..lol.. i wish i was one of those genius ppl who could like just suddenly turn on studying 2 weeks before the exam and do well..and still be like in 10 million CCAs plus play sports and music. like wow. sigh really ah..4 weeks to final exams..or promos as they now call it. the time fore reflection will come soon i guess. dont be an idiot and go study! heh...

now..for all those who cant stand photography talk and just look away disgusted when ppl start talking about it...u might want to stop reading here...heh.dont worry i used to hate hearing all those stupid technical terms..i still hate the computer stuff..what stupid super multi drive with lightscribe technology...disable Bit, 800MHz FSB (i'm reading off the red sticker on the side of my computer and have no idea what it means) aiyar computer is computer rite. nvm.

so..as i was saying..it was quite hard to take ppl shots or facial expressions without intruding to their privacy.thus...this calls for the hopefull wondrous lens of 70-200 f2.8. http://www.dpreview.com/news/0505/05052003sigma_70-200mm.asp .but....no money.lol.i think thats is a kick ass lens(comparable with the nikor 80-200 i guess..but $200 cheaper)..we're all wowing over it...or at least 'we' equals to zoni john and myself. heh..plus was browsing through some photos of little india online the night before going...and some were really really nice..wonders why i din spot those things when i went. must be not powerful enough. walao eh i sound damn nerd. nvm take hopefully good pictures can already.

oh well. ive lost my usual brooding self today.

cameras..visiting IT fairs ( double -.- -.-) and talking to john 3:16 ppl messes u up.beware...heh....

some kind of sanity

2006-07-21T18:06:00.000-07:00

i've had this burning question on my mind for quite awhile. i wonder if im more receptive to black and white because it requires less mental stimulation.two signals only what...that either means i have a lazy brain or..or....hmmm..some bio student correct me please. chan looks good.

not that i do anymore

2006-07-18T09:00:00.000-07:00

I am not saying that we should be cynical. Life is dreary and almost insufferable without a bit of naive fantasizing. But as quickly as we learn that we can't jump out of the window and expect to fly like superman just because we have a blanket for a cape, we should learn that happy endings in real life never look like anything we see in the movies.

i read that from my english teacher's u know email signtature things, the quote or name that is attached at the bottom of every email they send. hmmm..u see, only lit teachers send this kind of thing..hahaha...not that i subscribe to what the quote says( i probably used to) but it was interesting reading it.

now that by grace i have been shown His will to be a shining light of his love and reality, why should i not acknowledge Him through such a mood as stated in the quote? there is no more need to debate his existence and be inbetween,and be post modernistic and morose, but rather persevere in showing the reality of His love in my life. isnt that it? i quite think so, to Glorify God forever and ever amen.

its such an uphill task ahead, im not quite sure what to do

2006-07-17T08:43:00.000-07:00

wah damn emo...cannot take it cannot take it.
had a very conviction, perseverance, anxiety demanding day. i never knew setting the right idea for thoughts and mindsets and thus actions with the things we say could become so difficult. and there are so many new occurences that you struggle to solve. and when the teacher has to step in that just adds to this feeling that really stays with you for a long time.especially when u know a large part of it was true. although u kinda hope the mindset was addressed you understand that its still very much an uphill task ahead. and you wonder how to handle it. and you tell yourself to be calm and moderate and humble. and not demanding but understanding and giving, putting others first.

complex ah complex.

plus i just watched
armageddon.
whole thing somemore.
wah really damn emo.
its a solid show man.
better than lord of the rings.
lol. and also listening to teddy geiger. wah seh..thats the ultimate emo. actually no...not as bad as chinese songs.

well i hope you can tell that this post was written with a tea spoon of humor.

three things i want to do now

2006-07-13T20:11:00.000-07:00

i want to go back to cambodia
i want to feel relaxed and not constantly tense
i mean common man, exams just ended, but i feel absolutely apprehensive, worried, anxious and pissed that there are pressing things to do..right after exams! and in a short span of 3 days! bah. its not so bad if we just got cracking and started work,and i knew exactly what had to be done.but no! avoidable delay!as usual! oh my goodness.

then lets talk about exams. hows failing 3 subjects looking to you?! brilliance.
how bout to the admin? how bout to teachers? that sucks.
fantastic.

how about finding my feet with how to manage certain things.managing how i come across during discussions...whether its good or bad...whether its best...bah. you might always be wrong hans. dont forget that. so maintain the moderation! looking onwards, accounting for the danger and precautions both on the other persons side as well as yours.

this was supposed to be a happy sentimental post of what i really feel like doing. taking a trip to little idia to spend a day taking photos for example. walking orchard like in sec2 after exams without a care! feeling smart for once! bah!

maybe its time to start chasing after passions. passions of travel. travel asia.to help. to capture. the culture. the experience. to benefit. to encourage. to teach. and be taught. and after describing my terrific examination week, a teacher says, with a kind warm smile that i really appreciate, " i want to see you getting scholarships next time, becoming an officer in NS and all that...so really u must balance your work well ok?" i want that too. maybe thats not what i should be chasing after. maybe its the attitude of moderate understanding and consideration towards others and situations which is of most importance. so vulnerable. so so vulnerable. the difference between me and the steady steady person is that the steady steady person will know how to resolve this internally and act maturely and accordingly after hes reached his resolution. hmmm..nvm...will try to be balanced.

happy dancers of OC

2006-07-09T20:27:00.000-07:00

of course a group of four siao siao happy people is never a fair representation of OC...but mmmm...gold. on the whole it was good lar.

kinda like the idea

2006-07-01T21:51:00.000-07:00

was just playing around with some photos of a lighthouse in perth and trying to picture it as the cover of an art exhibition brochure..u know the type that show cases all the artists insde.hmmm. of course there wouldnt be space on the actual lighthouse to hold an exhibition..but i kinda like the idea..haha :-)

aye....normal lar!

2006-06-27T07:53:00.000-07:00

i only just realized something about myself today. i dont handle situations under stress well.often get worked up and stressed faced.. hmmm...no good...not good for people around me also..so lets try to be always composed and calm.haha.always trying to solve the situation and find a way out.everythings under control. oh well..i think theres something wrong with the photo composition..cut ben off abit too much...oh well...nite! go do econs and catch some sleep before tomorrows.....mm tsp mm tsp =P

hawhaw

2006-06-24T05:56:00.000-07:00

guess what i found during my history IA research.

"Not only is cremation good from the point of view of hygiene, but it also saves farmland"
- Communist Leader Ho Chi Minh.
he says that to justify his last wish that he be cremated.

how enlightening.
he was quite a great man to them i suppose...very interesting writings too. ^.^

the conclusion

2006-06-19T22:20:00.000-07:00

i think ang moh air is better than singapore air. that is why, sky also better, sunlight also better, so colours also better. wah seh..i think the ang moh is always right.

mmm..the land of colours and scenic views, australia

2006-06-17T09:11:00.000-07:00

mmmm...bright colours.in winter somemore..i think photography is retarding my desire to write...past few entries have all be photos.haha.i felt quite good thinking of my iop topic on the plane today.hope noones taken it already. almost thought i saw edwin thumboos face appear in the clouds- nodding. im kidding. anyways yep, nice photography trip, although staying at home to study and do work might have been better. oh well.