dearest weird one
She keeps a pet pitcher plant, walks on the street backwards at night, listens to 20 year old music. Knits and talks to me about post modern philosophy. Goes on wild bursts of happy sprints at the sight of a pink sky and has made me comment on its shapes and colours to unsuspecting friends, who just look at me blankly.
I'm sure there are indie songs written about people like that:P
And at the same time she's compassionate, sensitive (most important), sensible, stable, clear and somehow I just know (and this has developed over time) that I can depend on her.
plus..its her birthday! so....don't forget to wish her! HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRIL :)
Analyzing My New Zealand Photos
Lacking originality, a reflection of a burnt out, passive and unthinking state. That's what I felt about quite a few of my New Zealand photos. I think that as i rushed from place to place, wielding my d70 and borrowed film xpan, the burdensome weight of a dual chore to capture everything beautiful and serene tired both my neck and artistic tolerance. I remember going for the trip thinking, I'm here to just capture that which is beautiful, that which is stunning and natural. What i got was that with a whole lot of technical shortcomings considering that i was not committed to bringing a tripod and that it was one of the first few times i was shooting landscapes. This led to, composition flaws as well as technical faults which bring the photos just short of the perfect capture.
Besides the fact that my set lacks variety and depth of thought or scope of experience, some of the shots did turn out rather decent and 'nice to look at' from a poster/postcard point of view. Alison along with several other photographer friends kinda identified the problem straight away, saying that the shorts were very pretty to look at, the place is beautiful, but if one were to be a stickler for originality, that might be where the problem lies. "The scope is limited" was the most accurate phrase from Chris. "Your shots are flat" represented the technical shortcomings. In summary, they had no character, and even if i wanted to pull of typically cliche scenic shots, the technical knowledge wasn't there to support it. I didn't know what kind of culture or feel I wanted to achieve, and my photography did not display any form of maturity. All this, while every body else's photography is growing and showing great depth of thought. I wonder where I want mine to go.
Although i am so sick of writing captions, I shall write one for this. The rugged landscape as we drove round the outskirts of the fjord in the above picture was what the little boy in the first picture was looking at. Ok no, actually he was looking out the opposite side of the bus, not the side overlooking the valley but at the side hugging the the hill. I have no idea why. Could have been the rain that he was staring at, or the water falls that sprouted from the rain, cant quite remember.
On a totally different note, I think that today, I admit for one of the first few times that I am actually quite sad about not being in pes a or b. Some might think its outright stupidity to to want to be upgraded and sure lots of people in combat fit positions want to be doing office work, but I think the common sentiment by those that complete combat fit NS is that the bonds and camaraderie are great. And that the experience is irreplaceable, by virtue of the fact that nothing else in life forces you through 2 years of military training. And so, I'm not quite frustrated anymore, or angry, but rather sad that everyone else has gone off to share this experience while I'm not with them. Plus, I never thought i'd say this but it almost makes me feel less assured about what I'm doing in my 2 years now. But just taking a look at this week and the coming one, I'm quite glad that people are out and i can finally meet up with zong and the rest, arthur, seow and the tennis guys. ah well....that is the state we are in, I shall have to live with it. More about my lack of will to meet deadlines without supervision and my passive burn out some other time.
And so that's how my weekend went
It feels like such a waste using a photo that i like on an angsty post. Ken tay was right, i quite like the square.
I realize that i have missed the value of good guy friends. Having spent a relaxing weekend, the cesspool organization that i return to tomorrow reminds me of the stark contrast between my life and theirs, and drills in the isolation which i now feel. I must admit that the first one month was fairly uneventful, and i was even sucked in by the idea of travel, the better-than-others posting and the acceptance of my forced upon me state. But the immersion and the overwhelming presence of a lousy boss, an inefficient and stupid organization, and the idea of many young souls being trapped in this cycle of brownie point earning, ass kissing save your own butt against one's own will is fairly disheartening.
I don't disapprove of conscription. i disapprove of the management. I disapprove of the falsehood, of the fake positive working environment, of the administration, and of the cover your ass syndrome. I disapprove of the fact that this means that no one steps beyond their scope of usual thinking, no one steps out to provide solutions, initiatives or to even promote genuine working relationships. No one wants to, because the moment you do, you get attacked by someone higher up who's more stupid than you are, but needs to protect his iron rice bowl. Either that or the person has been trapped into the culture of the bureaucratic organization and cant do anything to get out of it ore make any changes.
But u know what there are, there are SYSTEMS in place to promote all these things. There is a scheme, a procedure, to show that initiatives are promoted and even rewarded. There are SYSTEMS in place to ensure that feedback is collected. And there are SYSTEMS in place to make sure that the lifestyle and culture which we all celebrate remains present, unfazed and defended. Even if, these systems dont do anything but add to the falsehood that something is being done.Cluttering the desks of unintelligent office workers, who's sole purpose is to turn the results of these SYSTEMS into credible statistics and reports so that more SYSTEMS can be put in place somehow makes us think that our working condition is being enhanced, and people are working towards a better management.
To be honest, I have never met so many low skilled workers in such high skilled positions. A lack of intelligence is usually ok when the person does not hold excessive power which is given to him by regimentation. I mean we've all met stupid people, just not so many stupid people that keep such a massive organization running. And so i don't ask for a comprehension of rocket science, I just hope that time feels like it'll pass faster, or my immediate boss gets a brain transplant.
