Thursday, July 19, 2007

Scary trees

Wonders of a polarizer at evening time.



As you can tell, I am feeling rather disturbed. Not disturbed in the psychotic killer sense, although the convoluted entwined tendril branch concoction above would tend to suggest so...but disturbed in the 'too many unresolved things happened today' therefore not feeling at ease sense. I quite dislike that feeling. First, it was a feeling of shock and disbelief. Then it was a feeling of sleepiness...then i awoke to the question of religion by Reuben, which was interesting, and I found myself replying faster than my sleepy mind could think, although in the end what i said made sense....i think....
And then I was disturbed by the high rigors of Oxford academia. And then I was disturbed at the realization that I've stopped genuinely liking to learn, something that probably happened sometime last year, as a result of being put off by the TOK teaching(not all btw...there were one or two gems) and council. And somehow the desire to learn doesnt feel like returning now, and you can't force it. And then I'm reminded of my resolution to quietly work hard till the end. I'm just sad that I've forgotten how it feels like to want to learn, and am rather focussed on just wanting to get the grades. Even thats a struggle. And then after that I'm disturbed that we couldn't meet Ms Chock and get the council meeting over and done with once and for all.
And then I'm disturbed, that the brightly coloured attractive fruit, (refer to the previous post) might not grow more succulent, it may not be even maintain its colour...but instead slowly..give into the surrounding pressures and morph from sweet strawberries(with stubble in them) to a stone, or even more so, to a prefectorial board, as wonderful guest of honour so kindly predicted. I know thats harsh, but common is that really where you want the post secondary culture to go? Each serves its own function, hopefully to the best of their ability, but each path must be distinct, and their lack of ideological association recognized. One(meaning part of the new group) should feel pressure from all sides mounting, the integrity and identity being hard pressed and altered, and one should actively work against that.I'm saying this, not just in response to the speaker(that would be imbalanced and stupid), but with the background of the million influences that tried to dictate what we were to become over the past year.
I don't think we emphasized the revolutionary fervor(cough cough) strongly enough. I think we were too rightist.
oh well...its not my lot..its not our lot..stardee..study.

posted by gneh-snah @ 5:48 AM 0 Comments

Monday, July 16, 2007

Maneuvering the animal

One comes to realize with time, that ACS (Independent) is an animal. To newcomers, it is a totally different animal from almost any others they have tried to watch over. An ambitious animal, a vicious animal. If you were to come close to riding it, not for control, but just to see where it takes you, you would realize that there is no saddle for the rider. If you hang on tight enough though, it promises to teach you strength beyond what is commonly known to most zoologists. The force at which it breaks the air, golden red glistening feathers, and legs larger than a bear's trunk will also tell you that the animal is not to be tamed. Its awareness and acute understanding of the rest of the animal kingdom will never allow it. Maybe you should never want it to be tamed. Maybe you can grow to be one of its feeders, already a privileged position.

As for its self defence and a predatory nature, it maneuvers to become the prime member of a particular line in the food chain. Its unique ability to modify its intestinal track, changing to absorb new sources of nutrients with each shift in climate up keeps its sustainability. Sometimes it even creates the food it is to eat. It is strange, that such an animal, more powerful than you or I, more self willed and determined, should be watched over, should need statesmanship pledged to itself. That statesmanship, pledged and just released, has left the rider with a more comprehensive understanding into the models for strength in the animal kingdom. It has been valuable, is valuable, and once again reminds the rider that right and wrong in an experience like this, is hardly ever as clear as the difference between black and white. But the experience has been beneficial, the zoo keeping has bore brightly coloured fruit.Succulent, maybe not, but bright and attractive at least. Ultimately, you do what you can to learn about the animal. Perhaps along the way it will show you what it needs. And perhaps fulfilling that, with each generation, is what is best.

For the experience, I am grateful.

posted by gneh-snah @ 8:00 AM 3 Comments

Sunday, July 01, 2007

the day before youth day. Wowee.

Also 2 days before physics, history and history again.

The strangest occurence greeted me this morning as i traversed through the crowd of 9am church goers. It was my first time back to CCMC in awhile, and i was I was hoping to meet some of my old friends before heading up to the chapel. Instead, i bumped into my dad's friends who i used to play tennis with. One of the ladies says,

"Hey, its good to see you. Do you remember me?"
"Yeah, we used to play tennis right?"
and I think to myself, "Has it been that long?"
then she says, "Can you remember me? You're better already.............i heard you had AMNESIA, got into an accident on the tennis court." And she looks at me, trying to detect signs of recognition from my face.
"Eh? no la..."
and her husband comes up and says "Oh not you ah? must be another Hans..."
Church people relations.

How strange.
I then proceed to meet Mrs fanny tan's sister, who was from the tennis group as well. At least she didnt think i had amnesia and was smiley as usual.

I have thus proved Serg right, by participating in mid sunday lady's tennis social.

Finally, when i came home and started on "optics" revision for physics, i felt particularly moved to play with my camera and the biggest baddest lens in my dry box with the widest aperture and the fastest shutter speed. Apparently inefficient drawings of ray diagrams and reading about spherical and colour aberrations for two hours had left my hands and eyes itching for the real thing. Drawing those stunted inverted dotted arrows with the multiple construction lines for telescopes just didn't cut it. But i must admit that I was really surprised that there was some intrinsic connection within me between what i was studying and an appreciation for the mighty (or not so mighty sigma) 70-200mm f2.8 with 18 glass elements.

ok cut the geek talk. I am no where near the nirvana of analyzing graphs, constructing my own filters, and understanding chemical properties of flim and dark rooms. Although I wish did, because I would be darn creative and probably really good at physics. Also i was reading a very informative and historical Nat Geo book, where they documented how the first undersea photo with flash was taken. Apparently this 1926 photographer exploded some volatile charge of magnesium flash powder to take some greotesque looking brown hogfish 15 feet underwater. Almost got him and his partner burnt i think.

oh well. The nice thing is that i think i'll pick it up with experience, and my true appreciation for physics would only come when i'm 50 and can tell all the young punk photographers how i used to make my own filters with cellophane and how i gradiented it and removed the vigenetting.All this because i had no money:P hahaha yeah right, i just threw in random terms, with hardly any semblance of connection between them.

So if you've read to this point,I have no idea why you did, because the above was some very misguided and inaccurate nerd talk, the only kind of nerd talk that im capable of, thus furthering the start of my peculiar morning.

posted by gneh-snah @ 1:40 AM 4 Comments